


Whole

by PartridgeOnAPearTree



Series: Transversal [14]
Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: But the gift-giving thingy reminds me of it so, I guess you can kinda call this a Christmas Special, It's not Christmas in the verse, M/M, With the keyword being kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-09 00:24:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5518544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PartridgeOnAPearTree/pseuds/PartridgeOnAPearTree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What he allows himself to do is force a small smile and thank Komaeda again because that’s all he's capable of doing right now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ones

**Author's Note:**

> It's Christmas where I am! I was supposed to upload this yesterday for Junko's birthday, but hahaaa ;;  
> Here it is anyway!!

_I found a decent store in the shopping district earlier, by the way. It was a jewelry shop._

Hinata’s pretty familiar with the shopping district, actually, and he knows that jewelry shop that Naegi is pertaining to. He never really had a reason to peek there though, much less actually go inside, so he's pretty relieved that his mind actually stored the information well.

 

It’s really nice—him remembering. Maybe, deep inside, he actually expressed interest in the shop sometime before. He knows that he doesn’t really remember locations that he doesn’t really need to concern himself with, after all.

 

He could walk in this shopping district today, and if by chance he returns tomorrow to find out that one of the shops is just an empty space, it’s a good bet that he won’t even remember what used to be in there even if he tries hard.

 

Unless he has built some memories about that place, then that’s a different business.

 

He walks in the shop, hearing the chimes making a sound when he pushes the door and letting it close behind him. The shop doesn’t have many people inside, just a couple looking at the displays, and the lady positioned at the counter.

 

The thought that the only one with him shopping right now is a couple makes him feel a bit embarrassed. Now that he thinks about it, maybe he shouldn’t buy jewelry, after all. It’s more common for lovers to do that for each other, and he knows that his relationship with Komaeda is quite far from that.

 

Last year, he gave Komaeda an alarm clock. It was a pretty lame gift, but he remembers that that time, he chickened out from giving something overly sentimental. It was born from a good opportunity too because just days before that, Komaeda’s alarm clock accidentally broke.

 

Standing here inside the jewelry shop, he feels his stupidity getting even more apparent. If he wasn’t confident enough last year to give something as ‘sweet’ as jewelry, what makes him think that he’ll be confident now of all times?

 

How foolish.

 

He turns around from the displays, other stores in mind, when the lady by the counter calls on him. He promptly faces the lady, curious, and he felt compelled to stay because of the big smile the lady was giving him at the moment.

 

“What are you looking for, sir?”

 

“Oh…” Hinata forces himself to smile. “Just a gift.”

 

“For a lover?”

 

“Nah, not at all.” Hinata would selfishly wish so, but he does wonder if he still deserves the luxury to dream of something like that. After doing _that_ —

 

“A friend then?”

 

“Yeah…” Hinata replies. He should just toss his self-indulgent wishes aside. “My best friend, actually… Do you guys have anything available?”

 

“I don’t know if you'll be interested, but we have a promo right now. It’s for pair necklaces, sir.” The lady smiles again. “If you buy a pair now to Saturday next week, you'll be able to get it thirty percent cheaper than the usual.”

 

“Seriously?” The lady nods at him, handing him a folder that was placed on the counter. Pair necklaces don’t sound too bad, actually. He hopes that they actually have a design that’s actually kind of platonic… he wouldn’t want to make Komaeda uncomfortable, after all. “I’ll take a look then. I’ll borrow this for a while…”

 

“Just call my attention if you find anything.”

 

With that, Hinata opens the folder in his hand. The designs are just like what one would expect. Hearts that would fit each other once put together, puzzle pieces, keys and locks—he doesn’t know what the lady is thinking by recommending this to him when he already said that he was planning to give the gift to his best friend.

 

It’s almost as if the universe is mocking him, telling him that it’s funny how he _can’t_ give these designs to Komaeda.

 

He sifts through the papers in the folder anyway, doing his best to just forget these thoughts in his head. He thought that it would be better if he just appreciates the designs of the pair necklaces because they're actually beautiful.

 

Komaeda has always been fond of beautiful things. Be it a carefully constructed miniature of something or a well-captured photograph of anything as simple as a rain droplet—he's sure that Komaeda will appreciate it as long as it’s pleasing to the eyes.

 

That’s basically why he wants to give Komaeda something great, however. He knows that Komaeda will accept anything (he can clearly remember Komaeda saying last year that he's alright with either leftover food or trash), but that doesn’t mean that he should just treat this matter leniently.

 

He wants to give Komaeda the best gift that he can think of… as long as his gift is still socially acceptable to be given by a friend. He probably can’t give an overly mushy stuffed toy that holds a red heart or maybe a bouquet of red roses because he’ll be overstepping his boundaries that way.

 

He puts back his attention to the pictures in the folder. Every page has romantic designs, and he can feel his choices getting more and more restricted. He can’t possibly give any of these to Komaeda without upsetting both him and Naegi, after all…

 

He stops his page turning when he sees a particular image. He finds the need to blink actually because he never expected to see something as fitting as this in here. It wasn’t that he underestimated the shop—it’s just that—

 

In shops like this where gold, silver, and gems seem to be the focus, Hinata would never ever expect to see a four leaf clover.

 

There in the folder was a picture of a pair necklace. It was one of the countless two-halves-of-a-heart designs, and both halves are transparent, allowing their insides to be seen. There were four leaf clovers inside, one in each half, and Hinata finds himself squinting to confirm if those are real preserved ones or not.

 

There was a small gem in the middle of both clovers that if Hinata were distracted enough, he could have thought that the image is actually depicting a green flower instead of a clover. But then again, green flowers aren’t really popular, so…

 

“Uh, excuse me,” Hinata speaks, his attention still on the image. “What gem is this supposed to be?”

 

“Oh, that one,” The lady responded almost as soon as Hinata finished delivering his query. “In the image, it’s diamond, but if you choose to avail this design, you can choose a gem of your liking.”

 

Hinata slowly nods, staring at the image even closer. Diamond. That one is Komaeda’s birthstone. They say diamond is the king of crystals, of gems—it’s the stone of invulnerability, invincibility, innocence, truth… and apparently, it symbolizes strength and clarity.

 

And most important of all, apparently, it gives one who wears or carries it hope.

 

A necklace that symbolizes both luck and hope is perfect for Komaeda.

 

The only thing that makes this design wrong is that it’s two halves of a heart, and it would be beyond unforgivable if Hinata decides to give him something like that.

 

“Um, hey, excuse me once again.” Hinata looks up this time to face the lady. “Do you guys have a four leaf clover necklace design that doesn’t, uh, come in pairs?”

 

“I think we have two, actually.” The lady replies. “Please wait a second.”

 

Two more designs? Maybe Hinata underestimated the popularity of four leaf clovers. Now he wonders if they have designs for bracelets too or maybe rings…

 

Not like he’ll buy one of those.

 

Especially the ring.

 

“Here you go, sir.” The lady interrupts his thoughts, placing another folder in front of him. He was happy that she did. “I believe it’s on the last page of this folder.”

 

“Thanks.” Hinata gives her a small smile before diverting his attention to the new folder placed before him. He immediately skips to the last page, and just like the lady said, there were two designs of four leaf clover necklaces for Hinata to see.

 

The first one is of a silver four leaf clover covered with small pieces of diamonds—actually, now, Hinata is pretty sure that those can’t be genuine. He's well aware that real diamonds cost more than anything he could ever have in his life, and looking at the photo like this, the gems look more like rhinestones instead of diamonds, if he were to be honest.

 

That’s not saying that they don’t look beautiful anymore though.

 

The second one was just like the first, only, instead of silver, it was gold.

 

Gold is a good color, elegant, even, but Hinata decides that he prefers the silver one. It goes well with Komaeda’s hair color—no, Komaeda himself—because he usually dresses up with dark colors. Silver just fits perfectly with Komaeda’s usual color scheme.

 

But then again, gold actually goes well with anything…

 

Hinata shakes off the thoughts, internally finalizing that silver is the better choice. He stares at the design once more, and he notices a small detail that he, for some reason, overlooked earlier.

 

This folder is different from the previous.

 

This one, the prices are included in the paper, and that’s when he realizes that he doesn’t have enough money for this.

 

\--

 

Hinata exited the jewelry shop without anything, feeling rather defeated. He’d look for other shops to check, after all, this was just the first one that he checked, but because of spending so much time inside, looking through the designs and actually thinking that a gift is perfect for Komaeda, he feels like he has to buy that particular one.

 

Anything else will feel horribly wrong.

 

Besides, if he really wanted to redeem himself, it’s obviously the best choice to buy something really valuable…

 

If only things were a little bit different, it could have been acceptable for him to buy that much cheaper and budget-friendly pair necklace.

 

He’d buy a cone of ice cream and sulk, but he’d feel like he’ll be wasting money that way, so he goes home rather early.

 

\--

 

Hinata doesn’t usually lean on his parents for a lot of different favors. If anything, he's mostly independent. He can’t even remember the last time he specifically asked his parents for something, though that’s partly because they're already kind enough to agree to enrolling him to Hope’s Peak, and because he's a Reserve Course Student, his family pays a quite costly fee.

 

He briefly remembers that anonymous asshole who was bugging him about this, but he rejects the thoughts.

 

It’s really upsetting how being this average has affected so many aspects of his life.

 

Maybe if he were in the main course instead, he wouldn’t be this reluctant about asking monetary favor from his parents.

 

He takes a deep breath as he presses the ‘call’ button beside his mom’s contact number. If he wants to do this, now is the best time because Komaeda still isn’t home, and it won’t be good if he were to overhear Hinata’s conversation with his mother, even if it’s just Hinata’s side.

 

Every sound of ringing is like a subtle tickle against Hinata’s chest, but the more the ringing continues, that gentle tickle slowly turns into a claw that is grabbing him, constraining his breathing. He never ever knew that merely waiting for a phone call to get answered can make him this anxious.

 

“Hello?” He finally hears his mom’s voice, and he doesn’t stop himself from letting out a relieved sigh. “Hajime?”

 

“Hey, mom. Hello.”

 

“It really is you, Hajime!” Hinata can almost feel the warmth of her mother’s voice through the phone. “How are things with you, dear? Doing well?”

 

“Yeah, things are great over here… How about you and dad?” Hinata decides to put on a small smile at least even if his mother wouldn’t see it. He remembers reading somewhere that actually smiling still is different compared from merely forcing oneself to sound energetic. If he's not mistaken, it’s even a popular advice for business persons who have to convince other people on the phone.

 

Apparently, there's a study saying that human beings can differentiate vocal intonation not only between a smile and a non-smile but among different types of smiles as well. Smiling affects speaking, it said, to the point that listeners can actually identify the type of smile based on sound alone…

 

“We’re doing great too, dear! Thanks for asking!” His mother giggles. “The two of us actually went shopping earlier, so it’s a pretty relaxing day.”

 

Yeah, Hinata did go shopping too earlier. Well, more like, tried to actually shop, but same difference. “That’s really nice. Did you guys buy a lot of stuff?”

 

“Just things we need like soap and shampoo… I know those sound insignificant, Hajime, but don’t forget to stock up on items like those!”

 

“Of course, of course, I don’t forget. In fact, I buy a new one even before they run out.”

 

“That’s good to hear…” His mom lets out a sigh of relief. “Well, as expected of you. You have always been responsible.”

 

“Thanks, mom.” Hinata wonders if it’s good to talk about borrowing money then and there. He's feeling pretty ashamed, actually, calling just because he needs something. He wouldn’t mind for the pleasantries to last a little longer. He doesn’t really know what to bring up though… “So uh… I hope you and dad always stay safe. It’s been raining a lot recently, right?”

 

“That’s true! I was just about to bring that up! Hajime, you should always have that easy-to-fold umbrella we gave you last year. Weather can be fickle, so it’s best to be prepared.”

 

“Right, I always have that one with me. Thanks.” He's really running out of things to say. “Did you guys have dinner already?”

 

“We just did! How about you?” She pauses. “Dear, you should never ever skip meals, alright? The last thing that we’d want to happen is for you to faint one day because of hunger! Not to mention, there's the possibility of you developing stomach ulcers if you do that and you know what will happen? You won’t be able to move because there's pain in your stomach, or worse, you won’t even be able to sleep! You'll also feel bloated for no reason, you'll have a heartburn, and you'll throw up—”

 

“Okay, alright, mom, thanks, I understand.” Hinata has actually read that there is no clear cause for ulcers yet, but he gets what his mom is trying to say. “I don’t usually skip meals. So you don’t have to worry—”

 

“Don’t usually?” She repeats. “Oh, no, no, _never_ do it! I just don’t want my son to see his stool with blood, my god, I don’t want you to vomit blood too—”

 

“Okay, okay, sorry, I promise I’ll never ever skip meals again.” Hinata feels the need to come up with a new topic as quickly as possible. “So, um, you know, I really miss you and dad.”

 

“Awww, Hajime.” His mom immediately stops with the previous topic, almost as if forgetting about it quickly. “We really miss you too, you know. It’s only as if yesterday when you were in middle school, going home everyday…”

 

“Yeah, I do miss our house too…”

 

“Is Komaeda-kun there with you by the way? I really want to thank him for taking care of my dear son. According to your stories, he seems to be a lovely boy, and I really want to meet him so much.”

 

“Ah, well, Komaeda’s not yet home at the moment.” This is it. Hinata can’t back down now. “Well, uh, speaking of Komaeda…”

 

“Yes? You guys have been getting along, haven’t you?”

 

“Yeah, of course, he's really nice… but uh, see, I think I haven’t told you yet, but Hope’s Peak has this tradition where people give each other gifts, and um, I, uh… want to give him a gift.”

 

His mom hums. “Are you going to ask for gift ideas?”

 

“Well, not really… I actually know what I want to give him already. It’s a really perfect gift… very fitting for him.”

 

“That’s great to hear! So what is it? Can you send a picture?”

 

“Well, yeah, about that…” Hinata clears his throat. “I haven’t really bought it yet…”

 

“Oh? But I thought you said it was perfect!”

 

“Yeah, it was, it is… It’s just that…” Here it goes. “I kinda, uh… don’t have enough money for it.”

 

“Ohhh.” His mom let out a sound of realization. Hinata is really embarrassed now because he can imagine what she looks like right now. “So that’s why you called.”

 

His embarrassment gets even more amplified. “Yeah, but don’t get me wrong! It’s not like I called you just because I needed something. It’s true that I do miss you and dad… but yeah, I really need money right now, mom.”

 

“Awww, Hajime.” He wonders what that meant. Will she agree, or…? “I really do want to help you. After all, you don’t usually ask for anything from us.”

 

“Haha, well…” So that paid off. For some reason, he's still feeling really embarrassed.

 

“But you know, I think you'll enjoy giving him a gift better if you decide to work for the money yourself.” His mom continues speaking, and all the relief that he felt a second ago vanished. “It’s not that I'm being stingy. It’s just that I am speaking from experience here. It feels strangely satisfying to buy someone important to you a gift that you yourself worked hard for.”

 

“…Yeah, that’s what I would do normally, but this one was really expensive, mom. I'm so sorry for the bother, but I just need extra help for it right now.” Hinata sighs. “You can cut my allowance for five months or something, please. I’ll even find a job maybe to pay you guys back.”

 

“Hajime, if you plan to find a job anyway, why don’t you try starting as early as now?” Oh, no, Hinata’s not liking this. “Now that I think about it, I have a very good friend who owns a bookstore in a city near Hope’s Peak. I'm pretty sure, if you work hard, she’ll give you enough money to buy whatever gift you want to give Komaeda-kun for that tradition.”

 

Hinata’s blood starts to feel even colder the moment he hears the door open. He doesn’t look, but he knows that it’s Komaeda. Komaeda got home, and he really won’t feel comfortable discussing the gift to his mom with Komaeda around now. “Huh? But that’s, like, next week! Please, I’ll just make it up to you.”

 

He hears Komaeda walking, obviously trying to be as silent as he can, so he turns around and waves at him, hoping that his intended message of ‘ _you don’t have to go out of your way to be quiet. It’s okay, really, I don’t mind_ ’ got across.

 

“I’ll talk to her and make sure that she assists you. Really, Hajime, I think calling it as a job is just a formality. She's a really close family friend, you'll just have to lend her your help for a few days maybe, and she’ll buy that gift for you.”

 

“Okay, but—hello? Mom?”

 

Hinata hears the beeping of his phone. He doesn’t stop himself from letting out a groan as he places the phone on the table. Looks like he doesn’t really have a choice now. He can remember seeing only one bookstore in that city they always go to, but of course he isn’t sure if that’s the one his mom’s friend owns. He hopes his mom sends him the address…

 

Deciding to forget about these thoughts for now, he turns around to smile at Komaeda at least, something that the latter returns, only, even wider. That simple smile immediately makes him forget about what he was worrying about. It’s almost terrifying what a smile can do.

 

Recently, he's been trying to show Komaeda more of his small smiles at least. Because of what he did, because he did _that_ , he actually wonders if he still deserves to chat with Komaeda just like he always does. He can’t help but feel that he has done something wrong every time they interact, the memory of that night keeps on flashing in his mind, and he badly wants to undo everything he did.

 

Maybe if he actually went home instead of being a defiant asshole, things would have gone differently…

 

So he always tries to smile these days because Komaeda’s smiles always make him feel better, always make his face and chest comfortably warm, always effectively making him forget his worries. He thinks that maybe, even if his smile is nothing like Komaeda, even if he's nowhere as good as Komaeda, he can help cheer him up at least.

 

He just badly, badly wants to make things up to Komaeda—he doesn’t even care what way he has to use, he doesn’t even care how much it will cost him—because he himself can’t believe that he was as disrespectful and horrible to—

 

“Hello, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda greets with that usual soothingly cool voice. Hinata’s glad that he took the first step. Hinata’s glad that he interrupted his thoughts from progressing even more. “What was that about, if you don’t mind telling? You seem a bit stressed out.”

 

Stressed out, huh? Guess it showed in his face even if he rather it doesn’t. He supposes that that groan that he didn’t even bother fighting from coming out was partly to blame. “Ah, it’s nothing.” He hopes he's not being suspicious at the moment. “I was just, uh, asking my mom a favor, that’s all.”

 

“Oh, I see. I hope she grants it soon.” Komaeda nods. “How was Hinata-kun’s day?”

 

Hinata’s infinitely thankful that Komaeda decided not to push it. He does hope that he's not giving the wrong signals though. Knowing Komaeda, Hinata knows that there's a good possibility that he’d feel like Hinata doesn’t trust him or something like that.

 

Then again, there's also the possibility that Komaeda doesn’t even care, but…

 

“It’s been okay.” There's nothing much to say about his day. He's also scared that if he elaborates, he’ll most probably end up talking about going to the shopping district, and the more they get closer to that topic, the more Hinata will look obvious that he's hiding something. “How about yours?”

 

“Nothing too eventful, haha! Something has been on my mind though.” Hinata nods, urging Komaeda to continue. He wonders what's bothering Komaeda. He hopes it’s nothing too bad. “As we both know, Hope’s Peak’s foundation day is pretty soon, and I was wondering if there's a particular item that Hinata-kun would want to receive this year.”

 

Hinata hears his words, but he hadn’t registered them quickly. It’s as if they went through his ear and exited the other, and he must have stupidly looked at Komaeda in an anticipating way because for some reason, he thinks that there must be a follow-up.

 

When Komaeda doesn’t say anything anymore, that’s when he realizes that he's the one supposed to speak in this situation, that Komaeda is indirectly asking him what gift he wants to receive for the tradition. He can feel that his surprise must have shown in his face and that’s pathetic, but he doesn’t care.

 

Because really, he didn’t think that Komaeda would want to give him a gift again.

 

“Oh…” He pathetically manages out. “Well, uh, anything’s okay, I guess… You're still giving me something?”

 

He wouldn’t even mind if Komaeda doesn’t give him a gift anymore. (This is what he thinks because he knows that he doesn’t deserve one, but if he were to be more honest, he also knows that it will horribly hurt him if he doesn’t receive anything from Komaeda.)

 

“Ah.” Hinata immediately realizes that his choice of reply was wrong because Komaeda instantaneously looks ashamed of himself that moment. “I'm sorry… As I thought, it would make Hinata-kun uncomfortable to receive something from me again—”

 

Ah, damn, can Hinata just go on a day without fucking something up? “Wait, no, no, that’s not it.” He interrupts Komaeda as fast as he can. He doesn’t want Komaeda to feel like he was the one who did something wrong when in reality it’s just all Hinata. “I was just, um, surprised. Okay? I didn’t think you'd still give me one… but of course I’d love to receive a gift from you. Sorry for being unclear about that one.”

 

“Oh, is that so…” Komaeda still doesn’t look convinced. Hinata wonders what he should say to change that, but nothing comes to mind. “Um… I'm not forcing you to answer, but is there a reason why Hinata-kun would think that I won’t give him anything? I mean, I know I'm not much, and we don’t really hang out every day now, but… we’re still…”

 

Komaeda visibly hesitates. He actually looks like he doesn’t even want to continue anymore. “…best friends, right?”

 

Hinata finds himself blinking, his surprise earlier probably getting even more visible. Normally, he gets hurt when he realizes that the two of them are nothing but best friends, but right now, those two words actually make him feel nice.

 

He didn’t know. He didn’t know that he needed reassurance from Komaeda himself that the two of them are still best friends. He thought that he’d hate hearing that, but the relief that he's feeling at the moment proves otherwise.

 

He didn’t know that he was actually going on with his days thinking that Komaeda doesn’t value him anymore.

 

“Of course we are.” Hinata took a while to say that because he's preoccupied worrying about the possibility that his voice might shake.

 

He mentally congratulates himself when he doesn’t.

 

\--

 

“Here you go, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda hands him a really small paper bag, but his smile must be the one of the biggest ones that Hinata has ever seen. “Here’s my gift for you. It’s really simple, but… I still hope you'll like it!”

 

Hinata ignores the growing heat on his face as he gets the paper bag from Komaeda, their hands lightly brushing. “Thank you… I got one for you too. Wait.”

 

He turns around to get the small box wrapped with a simple white gift wrapper, partly to actually get it but mostly to hide the probably obvious blush of his face now. As he touches the box and readies himself to face Komaeda again, he sincerely hopes that his blushing has ceased.

 

He didn’t know that Hope’s Peak has a tradition like this. Giving gifts to people who give you hope—it sounds so cheesy if put that way. He also tries to keep away the thought of Komaeda saying one time that he's ‘in love with hope’ and that Hinata is the only one who received a gift from him.

 

It’s so difficult not to think anything of it though…

 

“H-Here’s yours.” Hinata wants to slap himself because of stuttering. “I thought you'd find it useful, so…”

 

“Thank you so much.” It becomes even more difficult when he notices that Komaeda has a slight blush of his own. Of course, that can easily be just his imagination too. “You didn’t have to give me one too, but I really appreciate it, Hinata-kun… Thank you.”

 

“But we’re supposed to give gifts to people who give us hope, right?” Hinata clears his throat before things become even more embarrassing. “So… do you wanna open them at the same time?”

 

“Alright then!” Komaeda giggles and puts the white box in front of him. Hinata decides to do the same and put the paper bag in front of him as well. “On three. One, two—”

 

“—Three!” They exclaimed at the same time, and Hinata removed the ribbon keeping the two sides of the paper bag together. He did it with no difficulty at all, so he doesn’t peek inside yet because Komaeda is still tearing the gift wrapper.

 

Komaeda looks at him apologetically as he tries to pick up his speed. He pulls out the unwrapped box and opens it too, and when he takes out the gift he received, Hinata decides to put his hand inside the paper bag too and get whatever Komaeda gave him.

 

His skin makes contact with smooth cloth, and he sees that he pulled out a handkerchief. Komaeda, on the other hand, is looking really happily at the alarm clock in his hands, inspecting its features carefully under their dorm room’s light.

 

Hinata decides that he should do the same. He unfolds the handkerchief, studying all its littlest details—from its color, the numerous lines it has as a design, and the—

 

“Komaeda…” Hinata was unable to tear his gaze from the handkerchief. “Did you… make this yourself?”

 

Hinata was staring at the emblem of Hope’s Peak embroidered in the cloth, and under it was his name, sewn not too expertly, but it worked so well. His name, Hinata Hajime, under Hope’s Peak’s crest—it sounded so shallow, and he didn’t know that that was enough to make him feel pleasantly overwhelmed.

 

“I did…” Hinata looked up to face Komaeda. There on Komaeda’s face was a hint of embarrassment. Hinata’s surer of that now. “I know it wasn’t very good, but I did my best. I hope Hinata-kun likes it at least…”

 

“I liked it. Very much.” Hinata grips the handkerchief tightly, bringing it closer to his chest. “It means a lot to me. Thank you. I’ll treasure it.”

 

“I'm so glad.” Komaeda lets out a sigh of relief, followed by a short giggle. “I was really worried that Hinata-kun won’t like it! So I'm really happy now. Anyway…”

 

Komaeda holds the alarm clock firmly and holds it close to his heart too. “It still feels embarrassing that Hinata-kun had to witness my carelessness last time, but I shouldn’t complain any longer. After all, that made way to Hinata-kun giving me this… I’ll make sure not to make the same mistake again and accidentally break this too! I’ll treasure it as well, Hinata-kun. Thank you.”

 

“I actually wish I could have given you something better, you know… but I just thought that you'd need it.” Hinata smiles, his embarrassment coming back. “Well, no matter. I’ll just give you a really great gift next year.”

 

“You don’t have to, you know.” Or so Komaeda says, but he looked really flattered.

 

“I want to, though.” Hinata decides to smile more. He hopes that he won’t look awkward doing so. “Alright. I promise that I’ll give you a gift every year.”

 

“H-Hey now!” Komaeda lifts both his hands in front of him, his embarrassment getting more evident. “Don’t compel yourself, Hinata-kun! It’s really okay… This one gift is worth a lot of years already!”

 

“No, no, I insist.” Hinata allows himself to reach forward and ruffle Komaeda’s hair. “Wait for next year. I swear I’ll find something amazing.”

 

\--

 

That was just a year ago, but it felt so far away.

 

\--

 

Modesty aside, Hinata really knew that he was very hardworking. That’s why he thought that it wouldn’t tire him out much if he goes to work right after school ends. He was unpleasantly proven wrong, however, when during the first day, he was exhausted enough to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow when he got home, and on the second day, he had an headache so bad it was like somebody was punching his brain.

 

Then currently, the third day, his body hurts so much that he almost feels like he followed one of Nidai and Owari’s routines.

 

…Okay, maybe that one was exaggerating a bit, but it really hurts.

 

He didn’t know that traveling could get so tiresome until he got this part-time job. Having to travel from Hope’s Peak to the nearby city, only to travel back after doing his job—it was a change in routine even bigger than he anticipated.

 

“Sorry, Hajime-kun. The stock of books weren’t really supposed to arrive until next week. I myself don’t know why they decided to deliver these boxes now.” His mother’s friend was a kind lady. It makes Hinata feel almost guilty because he's partly complaining about the job in his mind.

 

It’s not like it was the lady’s fault that he was easy to tire out, after all.

 

“No, it’s alright.” Hinata smiles a bit. _God, everything hurts…_ “I didn’t really mind.”

 

He had to carry numerous boxes inside to the shop because the people who delivered it were assholes and just left them outside the shop. Seriously, he wants to file a complaint somewhere because obviously, something wrong has been done here. He kind of does not want to though because doing so makes him feel like he just got mad because he got tired.

 

Just one hardbound book is already heavy. What more if there are multiples of it inside one box? There's also having to crouch, lift the box, walk toward the storage room, go back outside, and repeat. It’s also horrible to know that once there's nothing to distract him anymore, this pain most probably would amplify.

 

It’s gonna be so difficult to sleep later…

 

“I know you're really tired now, Hajime-kun,” The lady looks apologetic as she continues speaking. “But we have to sort those books… Luckily, I only ordered more books for three categories, so we won’t have a too difficult time to organize them.”

 

“Ah, yes, right away, I don’t really mind.”

 

Ahh, Hinata really wants to go home now.

 

\--

 

Hinata lets out the sigh that he was unknowingly holding the moment he arrives in their dorm room. He immediately regrets it though because he realizes that Komaeda might be awake.

 

And he is.

 

So much for not causing Komaeda unnecessary worry.

 

“Hey…” Hinata greets, hoping that if he acts energetic now, Komaeda wouldn’t have to think that he's tired. His greeting came out rather weakly though. “You're still awake, huh?”

 

“Yeah, I was reading again.” Komaeda waves the book so he can see. Hinata does wonder if it was just his imagination, but Komaeda seems quiet recently, totally unlike the usual. He's used to Komaeda having that wide and comforting smile on, but these days, somehow, it’s kind of difficult to see that refreshing sight.

 

“That must be a great book then, huh?” Hinata decides to comment, eyeing the book. Hinata too reads a lot, but he reads textbooks more often instead of the novels and novellas that Komaeda is so fond of. Not like Hinata has anything against those books—it just kind of happened, he supposes. “What is it about?”

 

Komaeda always manages to pick interesting books. Hinata never fails to enjoy listening to how Komaeda passionately talks about whatever he's reading at the moment. Most of the time, he’ll talk about a possible plot point that he thinks will happen and mention some evidence that hints his prediction. There are also times when he goes to make an analysis about a character and depending on what he says, Hinata would debate with him and they’ll both have fun with doing so.

 

“Well…” That’s why he found it strange when Komaeda turns the book over and stares at the synopsis usually written at the back instead of talking about his opinions right off the bat. “…It’s about a guy who finds himself and his siblings pursued by a murderer.”

 

Sounds like a murder mystery. Komaeda has always been fond of those. Hinata feels the need to stretch his arms. It’s starting to be more painful, and he hopes that stretching will do something to help. “What else?”

 

“Oh, ah,” Komaeda looks at the book again. Hinata was wrong about thinking that stretching would help. If anything, why did he even think for a second that it will? He's actually glad that Komaeda looked down because Hinata’s pretty sure that he must have cringed in pain there. “Well, they have to get out of the place while avoiding death, only, all of them never really gotten along before…”

 

Hinata decides to sit on his usual chair as he nods to show that he's listening. Komaeda would normally continue talking now, maybe talk about someone whom he thinks is the murderer, but nothing followed his statement.

 

Hinata’s pretty worried now.

 

“And did they?” He asks anyway. This could be him just overanalyzing things, assuming things, after all.

 

“Haha, I don’t know yet…” That was Komaeda’s short reply.

 

And because of that, Hinata decided to conclude that maybe there is indeed something wrong. This is usually where Komaeda will tell him how he thinks the killer did their murders, how he thinks the book will end, and basically, more of his thoughts.

 

But just like before, nothing followed.

 

Maybe now, it’s safe to assume that he must have done something to offend Komaeda somehow. The scary possibility that Komaeda found out about _what he did_ immediately pops up in his head, and he almost believed it.

 

He was scared to believe it.

 

Komaeda would get creeped out and never want to talk to him again. He would also probably request a room change.

 

But seeing as he has done neither of those so far (Hinata should be thankful, really, that Komaeda is still talking to him, albeit coldly), then it must be something else.

 

“Hey, Komaeda.” He's pretty scared to ask, but if he doesn’t, he wouldn’t know. He has no choice but to suck it up. “…Can I ask you something?”

 

“Of course…” Komaeda doesn’t look like he means it. “Ask away, Hinata-kun.”

 

He's still scared to ask. Especially now that Komaeda looks like he doesn’t really want him to. But if he doesn’t, he knows that coupled with his muscle ache, these thoughts really won’t allow him to go to sleep.

 

“Sorry if this is weird, but uh,” Hinata bites his lower lip. This is it. No backing down now. “…Are you mad at me?”

 

He does his best to ignore Komaeda’s slight flinching as he continues speaking. “I mean, nowadays, your replies are kind of short and stuff… normally, you'd talk, uh, happily about anything, especially books that you're reading. When I first noticed, I told myself that maybe you were just tired or maybe it was just a coincidence, but it kept on happening… Of course there's a chance that it _is_ a coincidence, and I’d like that, but… if you are indeed mad… you can tell me. I'm… really worried about us right now.”

 

Hinata doesn’t understand and can’t see the possible reason as to why Komaeda would look disbelieving of all possible reactions. Is there something that makes him look unconvincing?

 

“…Hinata-kun.” Komaeda finally speaks after what felt like a long while. Hinata’s heartbeat starts to accelerate. “I'm sorry if this sounds stupid and also weird, but I'm really confused right now… you're not… hiding anything from me, are you? You're being completely honest, right?”

 

…

_…What?_

Does Komaeda know, after all?

 

Does he know about what Hinata did and is only giving him a chance to admit to what he did himself?

 

Does he know about Hinata liking him?

 

Does he know about Hinata being a Reserve Course Student?

 

It makes Hinata feel even more horrible now that he has realized exactly how many things he is hiding from Komaeda.

 

If ever he himself flinched too, he hopes that it isn’t too noticeable. “…I do mean what I said. Is there a reason for me to lie?”

 

Komaeda’s eyebrows furrow, and Hinata’s discomfort increases. “You asked me if I'm mad at you, Hinata-kun, but I wish to return you the question. After all, maybe you are the one who is mad at me.”

 

Komaeda’s voice still has its signature coolness, but currently, it gave Hinata a different effect. Komaeda’s voice that is usually soothing now feels like it can make Hinata shiver, can make him feel like he’ll deal with the cold forever without ever coming in contact with any source of warmth.

 

His words hurt so much, but Hinata doesn’t understand them.

 

“What?” Hinata feels weak. Why is Komaeda even saying that? “I'm not mad at you. Why would you even think that?”

 

“So you claim that you're not.” The cold worsens even more. Hinata wants nothing more than to go back to the times when Komaeda’s voice warms his chest instead of hurting him like this. “You do have a point. There are other plausible reasons, after all. So what is it then, Hinata-kun? Is it disinterest?”

 

The more Komaeda speaks, the less he makes sense. Disinterest? What does he even mean by that?

 

“What the hell are you talking about, Komaeda?” Hinata finds himself slowly shaking his head. He doesn’t understand anything. “I don’t really understand what you're saying, but I can at least gather that you're trying to tell me that I lost interest in you. Are you being serious right now? This whole conversation started because _your_ replies to my attempts of conversation are clipped short. And you tell me that I'm the one uninterested?”

 

“Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren’t you the one who first behaved that way, Hinata-kun?”

 

What?

 

“I did?” Hinata furrows his eyebrows. He did something like that? “Look, there must have been a misunderstanding because I never—”

 

“And to top it off, there's also the fact that you don’t want even want to associate with me anymore, right?”

 

That’s it.

 

He can’t accept _that_.

 

“Okay, seriously, what the fuck?” His voice ends up being louder than he would have liked, but he can’t be bothered right now. “Where are you even pulling that? Me? Not want to associate with you? You know what, I'm not biting this, I'm too tired for this shit.”

 

Hinata doesn’t want to argue over something that isn’t even true. He doesn’t know what gave Komaeda that idea, but what Hinata knows for sure is it’s utter bullshit. Hinata wants nothing but just to be with Komaeda, and it turns out that he's the one who doesn’t want to associate now? Nonsense.

 

Maybe Komaeda is tired too just like him. Maybe Komaeda is stressed out about something too. Maybe once the two of them get enough sleep, they will forget about this happening altogether. Actually, maybe Hinata is just having a horrible nightmare right now. That will be more acceptable.

 

Hinata was ready to finalize his decision and just go to sleep for tonight until he hears Komaeda’s voice again. “I know, Hinata-kun. The statement that is hardest to refute is the truth, after all.”

 

The sentence makes Hinata stop on his tracks. He knows that it would be better if he continues ignoring it, continues to choose the more peaceful option, but he can’t. He can’t keep quiet after hearing that.

 

“Truth? Komaeda, do you even know what you're saying?” It’s so scary because Komaeda looks like he actually believes his own words. “Are you unintentionally projecting yourself on me because maybe, you're the one who feels that way. I mean, I don’t know, I wasn’t the one who suddenly ignored my best friend and my whole class without even explaining!”

 

Hinata just wants to stop talking. He didn’t want to say that. He didn’t want any of this to happen. Especially when a look of hurt actually flashes on Komaeda’s face, his guilt amplified itself even more. He hopes that if he feels guilty enough, he would be able to erase those words from happening.

 

He didn’t want to hurt Komaeda. He’d never ever want to hurt Komaeda.

 

“I didn’t know that you were that type of person, Hinata-kun. So you're fond of digging up past mistakes.”

 

Hinata feels like he has been shot.

 

It’s just so annoying and disappointing how much he can’t just keep his mouth shut. It’s not like he needed to win this argument. Winning the argument doesn’t mean anything if he's going to lose Komaeda. He could have chosen to be the better person and just discuss this tomorrow when the two of them have gotten enough rest, but he decided to be an asshole.

 

He just wants, wants to punch himself so badly.

 

He doesn’t understand why these days, it feels like every second turns out to be something that he should regret.

 

Hinata allows himself to let out a long sigh as he runs a hand on his face. He has to compose himself. He has to apologize. He can’t deal with Komaeda not talking to him again just because he said something out of line.

 

“Alright, I'm really sorry, I didn’t mean it.” He takes a step closer to Komaeda and sighs again, wondering if what he's doing is right. He knows that both of them did something wrong in this situation, but really, it’s not worth it upsetting Komaeda with this. Apologizing is something that he’ll do in a heartbeat if it will fix things. “I'm really sorry, Komaeda… but look, I swear I don’t know what you're talking about.”

 

“…No, it’s okay—”

 

“No, listen to me,” Hinata quickly interrupts. Komaeda’s going to say that it’s okay again if it’s not. Komaeda’s just going to accept it again even if he doesn’t want to. There was a time when he prided himself to be Komaeda’s closest friend, that there's no need for Komaeda to fake anything around him, and it just feels like a punch to the gut seeing that Komaeda feels the need to do that around him now too.

 

“I don’t know what caused you to think that I don’t want to associate with you anymore, but obviously, you…”

 

Komaeda looks like he's expecting Hinata to say something bad.

 

Hinata feels even guiltier because it’s probably his fault why Komaeda will anticipate something like that.

 

“…Obviously,” Hinata continues, trying to soften his voice to at least wordlessly tell Komaeda that he's not going to say anything hurtful anymore. He doubts again if he should be doing this because what if he misread Komaeda’s feelings again, what if Komaeda doesn’t really care as much as he thinks—

 

Wait.

 

No.

 

No, he shouldn’t think about this.

 

This isn’t about Komaeda caring about him.

 

This is about him caring about Komaeda.

 

He should just stop being so selfish all the time, wishing for his feelings to get returned because he doesn’t even deserve to ask for something like that. It will hurt, he knows that it will hurt to just accept that Komaeda will never like him, but hey, if thought about hardly, true love is loving someone without waiting for anything in return, right? Loving someone for the sake of loving someone—not because of reciprocation or rewards or something like that.

 

“…Obviously, you don’t know how much I care about you, Komaeda.” Hinata says, and he feels a sensation of heat traveling down his back. He feels himself slightly shaking and sincerely hopes that it isn’t too noticeable. As an effort to divert possible attention from that, he opens and closes his fist—the conscious action giving him something to think of, at least. “I care about you so much, hell, I think I might even be willing to do anything for you! That’s why I don’t appreciate you saying that I am disinterested in you because honestly, I never ever did lose interest in you. I never ever stopped caring about you. So don’t. Don’t say things like that.”

 

His shaking still won’t cease. Hinata’s so glad that it seems minimal, at least. Especially when Komaeda chooses to look down—Hinata didn’t know if he should be thankful or guilty because he made Komaeda feel like they can’t look at each other at eye level.

 

“…I'm so sorry.” The sound of Komaeda’s soft voice just makes him feel even guiltier than he already is. Why does he keep on making mistakes? “I shouldn’t have said the things I said, Hinata-kun. I'm sorry.”

 

Now Komaeda’s blaming himself because of him.

 

This is horrible. Hinata's horrible.

 

“Nah, it’s okay…” Hinata wants nothing more than to hug Komaeda at this instant. It doesn’t even have to be because he has romantic feelings for the other. He just wants to be as comforting as possible because he can hear himself right now and he doesn’t sound convincing at all. He just places a hand on Komaeda’s shoulder instead because he's too ashamed of himself right now to do something like that. “It’s just a misunderstanding. No need to make a big deal out of it.”

 

“Thank you.” That’s why he curses himself when his heart skips a beat the moment Komaeda places his hand on his because he shouldn’t even feel that way. “I'm causing so much trouble for you… I noticed that you seem to be tired nowadays, and I still went ahead and did something like this! I really keep on messing up—”

 

“No, no, don’t.” Hinata still has second thoughts, but he forces himself to ruffle Komaeda’s hair at least. His halfhearted placing of his hand on Komaeda’s shoulder is uncharacteristically cold of him, especially after hugging him so tightly that one time in the classroom, and he doesn’t want Komaeda to think that he's just saying this to be nice. “It’s alright. It’s okay. Don’t blame yourself.”

 

“…And if you're still upset about me ignoring you guys that time, I understand, but I want you to know that I'm really sorry, Hinata-kun.”

 

Hinata would be lying if he says that he doesn’t still think of that when he's idle. He still can’t help thinking that maybe he has done something wrong which elicited that kind of behavior from Komaeda. As he has stated a lot of times before already, Komaeda never does things without a reason—

 

‘ _But look, you're not the only one he's ignoring, Hinata. He's ignoring the whole class. You can’t possibly be thinking that we all did something wrong to him._ ’

 

Souda’s words from that time ring in his mind again, and he desperately tries to forget about them because up until now, just like before, he still has no rebuttal for that. He still has trouble accepting that Komaeda just did that for no good reason like he has been claiming and that he doesn’t really know Komaeda as well as he thought.

 

He remembers that he came so close to finally giving up that time yet here he is, still firmly holding on like that thought never ever crossed his mind. He's still here, hoping that this situation will change someday, no matter how much he says and concludes just like he did earlier that he’ll accept having to deal with unrequited love for all time.

 

He's probably just trying to reassure himself and cushion the pain that he's feeling from failure by saying that he's, in fact, _okay_ with failure.

 

It’s so funny because he can see that he's lying even to himself.

 

“It’s okay…” Hinata finally pulls his hands away. He still doesn’t want to, but he feels like he should. “If I ask again though... why you did that, I mean… will you tell me now...?”

 

Hinata asks himself why he still even tried when Komaeda bites his lower lip and shakes his head. He tried to be careful in asking, but he supposes that he really shouldn’t have, after all, because Komaeda is back to staring at the floor and he just feels horrible for causing that again. “…I already said that there's no reason.”

 

Hinata doesn’t really know what he expected to hear. So he just forces a nod, saying a halfhearted ‘sure’, and desperately tries to think of something to bring up. He knows that it will be bad timing, horrible, even, if he does a topic change now, but he knows that if they dwell on this, things will just be overly awkward the whole night.

 

The only other thing that Hinata would probably hate over Komaeda not talking to him is Komaeda feeling uncomfortable talking to him.

 

“…So, uh,” He hopes that Komaeda will appreciate his topic change instead of thinking it to be rude. He clears his throat to prepare himself. “As promised, I bought another bottle of that menthol oil.”

 

Komaeda finally looks up upon hearing what he said. He still doesn’t have his usual smile, but Hinata’s glad to see that he seems relieved at least. Looks like changing the topic was the better choice, after all. “Thank you, Hinata-kun. Are your arms and back okay now?”

 

The mere mention of his arms and back returns his attention to them. As if on cue, they started feeling like they're being pinched all over, and he does everything he can to not embarrassingly cringe in front of Komaeda who's looking at him now.

 

“Actually…” He scratches the back of his head, desperately trying to make himself feel something else aside from the pain. “They kinda hurt more now than they did earlier this morning. So I was actually planning to ask if it’s okay that I'm the one who'll use the newly-bought oil first…”

 

“It’s alright. If Hinata-kun wants, the new bottle can be yours. You're the one who bought it anyway.”

 

“Nah, it’s still yours. I'm just gonna get some of it, thanks.” Hinata climbs up to his bed, and he finally allows himself to cringe slightly at least. The aching that he's feeling seems too unreasonable considering that he only lifted multiple boxes anyway.

 

But then again, it’s not like he's the type to work out usually, so that must be that.

 

He must have surprised his body.

 

“Hinata-kun,” The surprise to the mind is still nothing compared to the surprise his body felt though. He thought Komaeda wasn’t going to say anything anymore, but Hinata heard his voice and his nervousness instantly returned.

 

“…If I won’t be intruding on anything, I want to ask…” Komaeda takes a deep breath. Hinata is tempted to do so as well. “Why is Hinata-kun going home late these days?”

 

Hinata was half-hoping that Komaeda would never ask about that because he knows that if Komaeda does, he wouldn’t want to lie. Especially not now when he feels like he has done so many wrong things already. He actually allows himself to take a deep breath as well this time. He’ll tell what he's doing, but he's sincerely hoping that Komaeda won’t think it’s because of a gift for him.

 

“I'm, uh, well,” Hinata’s stuttering just makes things suspicious. If only he could say the sentence straightforwardly, it would increase the chances of Komaeda not thinking anything of it. “I'm actually… working.”

 

“Working?” Komaeda repeats. Hinata can’t see him right now, so he wonders what expression Komaeda has at the moment. “So that’s why… you looked so tired recently.”

 

“I do, huh…” It’s actually a little flattering that Komaeda noticed something like that. “Well… Don’t worry about it. It’s just a side-effect of not being used to something, I guess. I'm sure, given time, it will be easy for me.”

 

“Hinata-kun…” Komaeda lets out a sigh. “You know… you really shouldn’t tire yourself out so much.”

 

“Right…” Hinata’s heart is pounding like crazy. He hates that because this is too shallow for him to be so happy about. “Thanks, Komaeda.”

 

“I really want to be of assistance to Hinata-kun, so… if it’s alright, please allow me this time to rub oil on your back.”

 

Komaeda has already offered something similar to that when he had a headache last night. If Hinata were to be selfish and honest, of course he would agree in a heartbeat. Of course he would love to feel Komaeda’s soft hands touching the painful parts of his body. This is probably too cheesy, and illogical, even, but he can somehow believe that maybe, because it’s Komaeda, Hinata will heal instantly.

 

However, he can’t allow himself to indulge himself. He can’t allow himself to pursue his wishes again without thinking of its consequences. Not anymore.

 

But logically speaking, he really won’t be able to put sufficient oil on his back, and his arms hurt too much for him to force himself to reach. Wish or not, he has to acknowledge that he really does need Komaeda’s help in this one.

 

“…If it’s okay then.” He can’t deny that he's feeling rather flustered at the moment though. It’s so horrible. “Thank you… I really needed it. I promise I’ll make it up to you soon.”

 

“You don’t have to, you know.” That was Komaeda’s reply, and Hinata moves out of the way so that the former could climb to his bed. “I'm happy to be of help.”

 

Hinata really wants to, though. To make it up to Komaeda, he means.

 

That’s why he's working in the first place, and it’s frustrating to think that even while doing so, he's still causing trouble for Komaeda. He ignores his urge to let out a sigh because Komaeda’s just beside him now, and if he does, he’ll just cause unnecessary worry for Komaeda.

 

What he allows himself to do is force a small smile and thank Komaeda again because that’s all he's capable of doing right now.

 

He hopes he can be someone way better than he is.


	2. Tens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's so confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here! Hey, guys!

“You should take better care of yourself, Hinata-kun.” Hinata hears Komaeda’s soft voice as he feels the latter’s smooth fingers gently pressing his skin at the same time. He was resting on his own bed, his torso on the soft mattress, and Komaeda was sitting by his side and helping him soothe his aching muscles.

 

He should have declined.

 

He really should have declined.

 

He knows he's enjoying the attention in ways that he shouldn’t—he won’t be able to deny that even if he recites in his head multiple times that he only agreed out of necessity—and he knows that if he keeps this up, he’ll just have more and more reasons to be guilty.

 

Especially when Komaeda’s hands seem to become even softer and softer with each second, and it’s becoming even difficult for Hinata to deny that he, in fact, _wants_ this, and it just feels so right to be right here on this bed with Komaeda beside him, touching him, aiming to relieve him of the pain he's feeling—

 

He feels Komaeda’s hair lightly tickling the back of his neck, and he wonders why Komaeda is _that_ close at the moment. For some reason, Komaeda seems to be dipping down, but Hinata can’t understand why he should. “Hinata-kun… I'm really worried about you.”

 

A pair of lips makes contact with his skin, and Hinata immediately jolts, turning around and sitting up in a matter of seconds. Komaeda was still sitting on his bed, massaging his own chin—Hinata must have inadvertently hit him when he moved.

 

“Hinata-kun, why did you move away?” Komaeda looks disappointed as he continues rubbing his chin. “What's wrong?”

 

“What do you mean ‘what's wrong’?” For some reason, none of Hinata’s body parts hurt anymore. “You… You just—”

 

“Oh, the kiss?” Komaeda blinks. “But last time, you even let me kiss you on the lips. I even straddled you. I don’t understand why a small peck on your nape will make you recoil now…”

 

So that’s it.

 

Hinata suddenly feels stupid.

 

He stopped having this kind of dream for a good while that he completely thought they'd stop for good. He can imagine what he looks like at the moment even without seeing a mirror. He probably looks stupid, back seemingly glued to the wall, his eyes wide with horror.

 

‘Komaeda’ looks offended, but he obviously tries to shake it off as he crawls towards Hinata. Hinata tries to move away again, but there was nowhere to go anymore. That’s why he does nothing but stare as ‘Komaeda’ straddles him just like he did in that other dream while wishing to wake up soon because he doesn’t want to accept that he's still having this kind of dream right now.

 

‘Komaeda’ still looks worried as he cups Hinata’s face, lightly pecking the latter’s lips afterwards. Hinata closes his eyes as ‘Komaeda’ kisses him again, longer this time—he doesn’t want to see this anymore because it’s too vivid, everything is too clear and believable, and he's so scared to believe that despite resolving in his waking life that he regrets these thoughts, he's still having them right now.

 

He feels ‘Komaeda’s’ tongue probing his mouth open and he doesn’t even resist anymore—can’t find the strength to resist—as his smooth hands caress Hinata’s torso, almost as if drawing invisible shapes on his skin. ‘Komaeda’s’ skin was warm, it’s scary how realistic the feeling of warmth is, and it becomes even warmer—burning—when ‘Komaeda’ slips a hand inside his pants.

 

That’s when Hinata finally pushes him away as firmly as he can.

 

No.

 

No, no, no.

 

He's not going to give in to this again.

 

He's going to fight this because he isn’t like _that_.

 

“Hinata-kun?” ‘Komaeda’ looks confused and hurt, mostly hurt, and it’s unbelievable how Hinata almost regretted his decision just because of that sight. “…Why are you rejecting me? Did I do anything wrong?”

 

“N-No, it’s not that, it’s just,” Goddamn his resolve for being too weak. “Look. We shouldn’t do this. We just shouldn’t.”

 

“Why not?” ‘Komaeda’ bites his lower lip. “Don’t you… want me anymore?”

 

“No, no, that’s not it,” Hinata closes his eyes again and ruffles his own hair. He doesn’t even stop himself from letting out an exasperated sigh. “I still do want you... okay? I don’t think I’ll stop anytime soon, but this is wrong. This is wrong.”

 

“Wrong?” ‘Komaeda’ repeats. He tries to inch closer again, but he stops when Hinata visibly tries to move back despite the futility of that action. “I see… You're disgusted with me now, aren’t you?”

 

“I already said no!” Hinata raises his voice. “Look… you're very important to me. You're all I could ever ask for… but you're not real. You're not real. I'm just making you up to comfort myself, and that’s not good. So just go away, please. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

 

There was the strong slap of guilt again when hurt shows up in ‘Komaeda’s’ face. “But Hinata-kun… you don’t understand.”

 

“Don’t understand what? I know that I'm just dreaming right now, and that’s all I need to know.” Hinata slowly shakes his head. “I'm not going to indulge in this anymore.”

 

“Hinata-kun,” ‘Komaeda’ says his name slowly. He moves closer again, this time, unaffected by Hinata’s apparent flinching. He places his hand on Hinata’s cheek as he speaks. “But I’ve been here, haven’t I? I’ve been here. I was the one with you, doing the things you want. You told me you loved me… and I loved you back. Tell me… what exactly is wrong with that?”

 

“Are you not listening?” Hinata pushes his hand away. “I said you're not real! _That’s_ what makes this wrong! It doesn’t matter if you love me or if you do what I want because it’s not true!”

 

‘Komaeda’ frowns. He places his hand that was pushed away on his own chest as if Hinata’s mere pushing of him burned him. “So you prefer the other one over me, Hinata-kun? He doesn’t even notice you. He doesn’t even care. And if you ask me, I’d say that you're as good as separated… Why would you want someone like that?”

 

“Because at least he's true!” This is starting to get repetitive. This is just a dream, really, Hinata should know how to snap himself out of this and wake himself up, but for some reason, at the moment, he can’t. “He's true! You're not! That makes all the difference! Of course I’d choose him in a heartbeat!”

 

“But Hinata-kun,” Hinata hates how this ‘Komaeda’ sounds like the one tired with arguing. It’s almost as if it’s Hinata who's saying the ridiculous claims. “If you choose to be with me, if you choose _me_ … I’ll be the real one for you. And isn’t that good enough?”

 

“W-What are you even suggesting?” Hinata doesn’t even need to look at a mirror to know that he looks horrified at the moment. “Are you saying that I should stay here forever? For obvious reasons, I won’t—”

 

“Yes.” ‘Komaeda’ cuts him off, smiling. The smile sends shivers down Hinata’s spine. “I am, in fact, telling you to stay here forever. Is there anything wrong with that, Hinata-kun?”

 

“What? Okay, I, I can’t even start—”

 

“I really think you're not fully grasping this, Hinata-kun.” ‘Komaeda’ sighs. “If reality sucks, then that’s unfortunate, isn’t it? But who's to say that you can’t make your own reality? Someone like you—yup, I'm sure that you're capable of that… This is the new reality that is being offered to you. Frankly, I don’t see a good reason to reject it.”

 

“I'm not going to listen to you whatever you say!”

 

“How disappointing.” ‘Komaeda’ crosses his arms. “You're being really unnecessarily stubborn, you know? What I'm suggesting is for your own happiness, after all.”

 

“You're wrong!”

 

“Hinata-kun, you're the one who's wrong.”

 

“No, I know I'm not wrong, and nothing you say will change my mind!”

 

‘Komaeda’ giggles. Hinata never knew that the time will come when he’d badly want to wake up while seeing Komaeda in a dream. Hinata never knew that the time will come when he’d rather not hear Komaeda’s laughter. “So that’s how you want to play…”

 

“You know, it’s such a shame, Hinata-kun.” He continues speaking. “I would have chosen you, you know. I would have fought for you. But it seems that you're giving up on me.”

 

“I'm not giving up—”

 

“Yes, you are!” ‘Komaeda’ exclaims, but despite what they're talking about, he sounds like he was declaring a really happy announcement. “You are giving up, Hinata-kun! You are rejecting me, your dream! Putting it that way, it sounds really pathetic, isn’t it? To have the time come when even you yourself are rejecting what you're aiming for—I think that’s nothing but silent acceptance that you are bound to fail.”

 

Even if saying that this isn’t real multiple times before, it still felt like a bullet to the chest to see Komaeda’s face, hear Komaeda’s voice, saying those words to him. ‘Komaeda’ giggles again, demurely covering his mouth as if they were just joking about everyday jokes. “Ahh, it’s really hopeless looking at you. It’s as if you’ve reached a new low! Oh, well… I guess this is it for a Reserve Course Student like you.”

 

_Wake up, wake up, wake up, just fucking wake up, please, fucking wake up—_

“Ahh, now that I think about it, even the other one acknowledges how pathetic the Reserve Course is, right?” ‘Komaeda’ hums. “Right, he said something like… ‘ _it’s not like they're important_ ’, ‘ _don’t expect great things_ ’, and that they're—what was it again—upsetting, disrespectful—”

 

“Stop! Just stop!” Hinata wants to punch him. He knows it’ll be okay because this person is _not_ Komaeda, but the fact that he has Komaeda’s face is enough to make Hinata restrain himself. “What are you even trying to prove? I already know! I already know that the Reserve Course is revolting, that we just used money to get in—I know! I already know! So stop repeating it to me!”

 

“I see.” ‘Komaeda’ laughs again. “So what they say is true. Apparently, if you accept your faults, none of them can be used against you. But I have something to ask.”

 

The next thing Hinata knew, ‘Komaeda’ had him in a firm embrace, and every sound was drowned out except for his voice.

 

“ _Have you really accepted your faults?_ ”

 

\--

 

Hinata woke up the next day feeling even worse than he did last night. His headache that was already supposed to be gone has returned, but this time, he thinks that maybe he can tolerate it. He sincerely hopes that he's right with that feeling.

 

He feels himself shivering and he turns, pulling his blanket up to cover until at least below his chin. It’s suddenly so cold. He wonders how Komaeda is faring to this. Between the two of them, Hinata knows that he's the one with the better cold tolerance. He doesn’t need to wear overly thick clothing even during the cold season, so for him to be feeling cold right now…

 

It must be really cold.

 

“…K-Komaeda?” Hinata internally curses for shivering as he speaks. “Are you awake?” He realizes that this is a stupid question.

 

“Yes, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda calls out. Weird because he seems to not be shivering in the slightest. “I'm here. Do you need anything?”

 

“Not really, I just…” Hinata feels the need to pull the covers up even more, but if he does, he won’t be able to communicate properly. “I just wanted to ask… isn’t it kind of cold in here?”

 

“Cold?” Komaeda repeats. Even if Hinata can’t see him, he can imagine Komaeda looking confused at the moment. “I don’t think so… I mean, I think I’d notice right away if it is, but I'm not feeling that way at the moment… though it’s pretty impossible for Hinata-kun to feel cold without me feeling the same way, huh…”

 

“Right… yeah, now that I think about it, it’s not cold, after all.” Komaeda might just unnecessarily worry if Hinata admits that he is indeed feeling cold without the actual room temperature being so. “Maybe I was just imagining it earlier.”

 

“Are you sure…?” Damn it. Komaeda sounded worried anyway despite Hinata’s precaution. “You had a headache two days ago, and yesterday, you had muscle ache… maybe you have a fever right now, Hinata-kun?”

 

“No, I'm feeling okay.” Hinata grasps the blanket tighter as a way to block any cold air from going inside. “I just imagined it, probably.”

 

“Hinata-kun,” He hears Komaeda’s soft footsteps. Komaeda moves away from their bunk bed so that he can see Hinata resting on the top bunk. Hinata only had to turn on his side to see that Komaeda’s worry became even more visible when he sees Hinata covered with a blanket. “You really are feeling cold, aren’t you?”

 

“As I said, I'm okay.” As a way to prove his words, Hinata immediately gets up, and the moment he did, he sees flashes of black dots all over the place. He closes his eyes, he can already hear his own voice saying that he's an idiot for what he's doing at the moment, because really, what is he even trying to prove with this?

 

“You're obviously not okay, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda bites his lower lip. “You _are_ feeling cold, after all. You must really have a fever… Do you want to borrow my jacket? Maybe you should stay here today…”

 

“No, no, this is nothing.” Hinata wants to shake his head too to punctuate his reply, but he knows now that if he does that, his head will just protest again. “I'm just gonna drink some of your medicine, and I'm sure, after that, I'm set.”

 

The mention of medicine distracts Komaeda, and he immediately goes towards the table at the end of his bed, telling Hinata to wait just a bit. While Komaeda is preoccupied, Hinata allows himself to pull up the blanket and cover himself. He knows that Komaeda is already worried despite his efforts to prevent so, but he's going to try to reduce the reasons for Komaeda to feel that way anyway.

 

Komaeda closes the drawer once he retrieves what he needs, and he looks up to face Hinata again. “This is what I take when I have a fever, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda waves the group of medicine that he's holding. “Here, this group is yours now… I’ll just get a glass of water.”

 

“No, no,” Hinata waves his hand as a substitute to him shaking his head. “I’ll climb down. Don’t worry too much.”

 

Komaeda just nods, but he positions himself near the ladder of the double deck, obviously ready to help out Hinata just in case something unexpected happens. There's a feeling of something whirring inside his head as he steps down the ladder, but he does his best to ignore the sensation.

 

Hinata’s feet touch the ground, luckily, without anything troublesome happening, and he forces a smile when he makes eye contact with Komaeda. Komaeda returns his smile, although his worry was still visible, as he hands Hinata the medicine.

 

“Thanks a lot.” Hinata nods at him before going outside to the dorm’s corridor to get a glass of water.

 

\--

 

A fever isn’t something to fear for Hinata. Even back then as a child, he usually went to school and toughed the fever out until it disappears on its own. Headaches go away when he ignores them, and muscle aches only hurt when he's trying to sleep.

 

This whole day though, he can’t deny that he was tired all throughout, and he admittedly felt irritable at things that normally wouldn’t even affect him. Saionji’s usual manner of speaking isn’t something that he’d mind normally, but today, he found himself making a face as he listens to her talking to someone. He cringed too when Koizumi made another of those ‘be a man’ comments to one of their classmates. He also rolled his eyes when Hanamura started hitting on someone.

 

And he also knows he glared when Hanamura tried to flirt with Komaeda that day.

 

Everyone was so annoying—he had no idea that he was capable of being this full of hate just because he's feeling tired. He knows that he’ll regret being this hostile, even if it’s just in his head, once he comes to his usual mindset.

 

The only one who wasn’t annoying though was Komaeda even if he giggled at Hanamura’s words, even if he blushed and chuckled when teased about Naegi, even if he waved at Hinata so happily upon noticing that Hinata was listening in on the conversation.

 

Hinata knows that it isn’t annoying because the pain was too distracting.

 

Pain of the body because of his slight fever or pain because of _something else entirely—_ he’s not in the mood to admit right now even just to himself.

 

\--

 

The moment classes ended, Hinata gets the brief thought to just go home and rest instead of going to work that day. His prediction of the fever being gone with the wind if he just lets it be was terribly wrong. That doesn’t usually happen because he never gets sick—well, okay, to be fair, he did get sick one time and it was horrible, but that was more or less five years ago—and when he actually does, it’s nothing too major.

 

He hates, hates this feeling so much.

 

He hugs himself with his arms as he walks. If he has survived the whole day, he's sure that he can push through until his shift ends too. Just a bit longer, just a bit more, just a few more hours—he repeatedly chants that in his head because he really can’t afford to be absent in any of the shifts. The agreement was that he's going to work for only seven days with the best that he can, and their family friend will buy that necklace for Komaeda. Today will be his fourth day, and he can’t, _shouldn’t_ , miss even at least one.

 

He just can’t risk it.

 

After all, it wouldn’t be pleasant if the agreement breaks just for the petty reason that he's too weak.

 

Walking right now, outside the campus, Hinata finds that it’s even colder because of the soon-to-be-evening air. He remembers Komaeda offering his jacket to him earlier this morning, him turning it down, and he imagines how this situation would improve immensely if only he had Komaeda’s really thick jacket with him. It even has a hood with it too, after all…

 

Then again, not only should he not even think that he has a right to borrow Komaeda’s clothes, but there's also the fact that without the jacket, Komaeda will be the one who'll feel cold instead, and _that_ is not an option that he should even begin considering.

 

Hinata makes sure to ignore that if he does agree and borrow it, Naegi has both a hoodie and a jacket that he can probably lend Komaeda anytime with no second thought.

 

\--

                                  

Hinata steps inside the bookstore, and it was ridiculous how it was colder indoors compared to outdoors. He rubbed his hands together and blew hot air on them before placing them on both of his cheeks. His mother’s friend immediately sees him when he gets inside, and he forces a smile. She returns it, and she luckily didn’t seem to notice that Hinata was practically shivering.

 

He just wants to buy a coat or a jacket somewhere, but he’d feel really guilty spending money right now. From the kindness that he has seen from this lady so far, he can actually tell that she’ll be happy to help him out with buying that necklace… despite that, he won’t deny that merely thinking of not spending any of the money that he already has before his job for the necklace leaves a bad aftertaste in his mouth.

 

He can’t help but feel that he isn’t really working hard enough anyway. He's just carrying boxes, sorting books into categories, manning the register, and it feels unfair that he’ll receive an expensive diamond-covered (rhinestone-covered?) necklace in return for that half-assed service. Not to mention that while working, he still has the nerve to complain in his head about how tired he is—everything just feels beyond wrong.

 

“Hajime-kun, do you want anything?” For the past three days, this kind lady always asks him that question before he gets started on whatever job he should do that day. For the past three days too, he has been declining with a polite ‘no, thank you’, but now, he knows he wants something—anything, really—warm to drink.

 

He finds it really embarrassing to have to bother the lady, but he decides to suck it up because if he lets his worry take over, he might as well just skinny deep in ice water with how cold he's feeling at the moment. “Thanks… Uh, if it’s no bother then… I think I’d want a cup of coffee.”

 

Hinata hopes too that the coffee will help him because he feels like he’ll immediately fall asleep if he were to be left alone for a long time. Especially now that the bookstore doesn’t seem busy, there are no newly-arrived books too today, so he’ll have nothing to do but stay by the register.

 

Even if the store won’t be too eventful, he’d still feel really guilty to sleep on the job. He knew he’d look like he's working hard enough to be exhausted that way, but that just still doesn’t make him feel comfortable. He’d feel like he cheated somehow, and he doesn’t want that.

 

The store was usually quiet. Hinata can hear the light sound that the air-conditioning unit seems to always produce, and he’d be lying if he says that it doesn’t sound like something peacefully lulling him to sleep. His eyelids feel heavy and he tightens his hold around himself.

 

This isn’t good. He's being too comfortable.

 

He stands up from the chair behind the counter and decides to stand up. He just has to stay awake long enough and wait for his coffee to arrive. Seriously, it’s not even that hard… He firmly pinches his own arm, and even if it hurts, it doesn’t seem to do anything about the drowsiness that is threatening to overcome him.

 

Maybe it’s because he did it himself. Maybe it’s because he has expected it. Maybe it would work if the lady somehow stumbles despite her careful manner and throws hot coffee at him. He's pretty sure that that happening instead is way more effective than drinking the coffee.

 

He sighs. He’ll just wait for now. That’s something that he's good at, at least.

 

\--

 

Hinata doesn’t know if it’s just him, but the cold just keeps on getting worse and worse with each hour that passes by. He felt lucky that he still managed to get back to the dorm—he seriously thought that he’d pass out in the subway earlier while forcing himself to stay standing up.

 

He would have hailed a cab in normal circumstances, but again, he’d feel like he’ll be wasting money that way.

 

This is just a small price to pay, he tells himself. Just a little bit more and he’ll get there. He repeats it in his head while walking up the stairs, his arms still firmly kept around himself. His eyes feel so hot, his body feels so hot—and he found that funny because why does his body feel hot when he's actually feeling cold?

 

Hinata leans his head against the door of their room, silently thanking whatever that he's finally here in his destination. He remembers doing the same that certain night—leaning his head against the wood, that is—but he immediately pushes away that memory from his mind.

 

He doesn’t fumble with his pockets for too long for the key, and he immediately pushes it inside the keyhole, turning it with the usual same promptness. Hinata sees Komaeda sitting up—the latter obviously was lying on his back before Hinata arrived—and he immediately felt guilty because he must have interrupted Komaeda’s rest.

 

“Hinata-kun, welcome home.” Komaeda greets him with a small smile.

 

Just that one smile was enough to distract Hinata for a while that he's tired, that his head is actually beginning to pound again, that his body hurts for no reason (or maybe there is a reason, after all. Was it standing in the subway? Forcing himself to stand all the while too during his shift earlier?)

 

“I'm home.” Hinata manages a small smile at least as he locks the door behind him. It’s starting to feel tempting to ask to borrow Komaeda’s jacket. Seeing it again right now, actual and not just in his thoughts, he realizes yet again how thick and probably comfortable it is.

 

He must have stared for too long because Komaeda’s smile immediately turns worried as he speaks. “I was thinking about Hinata-kun the entire time, you know. I kept on remembering the whole day that you have a fever… and that instead of resting, you insisted on going to school _and_ work… If it’s okay to ask, how are you feeling right now?”

 

“Better than this morning.” Hinata makes sure to maintain his smile. “Sorry for making you worried, but you really shouldn’t have. Everything’s fine.”

 

“Are you sure…?” Komaeda doesn’t look convinced in the slightest. “Well, I'm sorry if you're already being annoyed by my nagging, but… I think you should still drink medicine tonight before you sleep. You look pretty pale than the usual if you ask me…”

 

“I know this might be pretty weird to say, but…” Hinata scratches the back of his head. He doesn’t think he’ll say this normally, but right now, it sounds like it’s okay. “Well… Thanks for worrying about me.”

 

Komaeda blinks. “Naturally, I’d get worried… You're always overworking yourself, Hinata-kun. And now, working right after we finish with school for the day—you're pushing yourself even harder than you already do. I wish you'd just… stop for at least a few minutes and allow yourself to fully relax.”

 

“Komaeda…”

 

“But ah,” Komaeda suddenly looks nervous. “It’s probably not my place to say something like that. I'm sorry again for being troublesome, Hinata-kun. I know you're tired, and it will just be contradictory of me to acknowledge that you need rest and start chatting with you at the same time.”

 

“No, it’s okay, really.” Hinata insists. He just realizes that his arms were still around himself, and that must have been the dead giveaway. He immediately corrects that mistake, feeling a little embarrassed, before continuing to speak. “But I’ll drink your medicine to be safe. Thanks again.”

 

“Oh, okay. Stay here. I’ll get the water.” Komaeda must have predicted that Hinata would protest because he exits the room as fast as he can. Hinata allows himself to let out a deep sigh since Komaeda is gone, and he heads towards his side of the closet to get the only jacket that he has.

 

Hinata already knows, but he looks over the jacket anyway. His jacket is nowhere as thick as Komaeda’s, and he doesn’t think it will help alleviate his discomfort very much. It’s better than nothing though. He places the jacket over his shoulder and returns the hanger to the closet, promptly closing it after.

 

He dusts the jacket off, hitting it with his free hand twice, before putting it on. It helps at least, just a bit, and he slowly climbs up to his bed. He makes sure to be careful, to hold on firmly, because it would just be more trouble than it’s worth if he falls off and injures himself or something. Not only will that be a bother to himself, but it will also be a bother to Komaeda.

 

Despite wearing the jacket and it actually helping a little, he still finds the need to cover himself with his blanket. Now lying down and with absolutely no task to distract him this time, his head and back start to hurt, and he wants nothing more than to sleep the pain off.

 

He wants to sleep already, hoping that tomorrow this will finally be gone, but he has to wait one last time for today. Komaeda will come back soon with a glass of water, Hinata will just drink medicine—short and simple—and it shouldn’t be this difficult to keep his eyes open—

 

So he thinks of Komaeda.

 

He remembers, back then (or maybe until the present time), Komaeda was the reason why he couldn’t go to sleep so easily at night. Be it because Komaeda is there to chat with him until late hours, or be it because he's thinking of Komaeda and some possible situations that he thinks are possible—the bottom line is that Komaeda is almost always involved.

 

He remembers the times when they went to school together _and_ actually left it together, when they always eat all meals together, when they're always together no matter what happens, when any topic is somehow fun and interesting when it’s the two of them talking.

 

He thinks of the time when they first met, how Komaeda immediately grabbed his interest without even trying, how Hinata felt instantly connected with him as if all their lives they were just meant to meet each other—

 

It’s been a while since he just stopped and thought of the past.

 

He has been so absorbed in the present, after all. So many things are happening, so many things have changed—

 

Ahh, wait, why is he suddenly thinking about this again?

 

He shakes his head even just to himself and pulls the blanket upward to cover him better. His head feels like it hurt even more because of his thoughts. Maybe it was wrong for him to reminisce about the old times again.

 

The door opens, and Hinata chants in his head thousands of words of thanks. There was Komaeda, holding a glass of water and lightly pushing the door with a foot. He looks up to the top bunk and he makes eye contact with Hinata. As he expected, Komaeda’s worry immediately shows in his face, and he starts to wonder if practically hiding under his blankets like this was the wrong choice, after all.

 

“Hinata-kun, are you feeling cold?” He can tell that Komaeda wasn’t really expecting an answer, but he nods anyway. “Are you using your jacket? Like I asked earlier this morning, it’s okay if you use mine… Mine is thicker, after all, and I think it’d be really helpful to you.”

 

Komaeda reaches up to him, in his hand the glass of water that he took outside. Hinata forces himself to sit up—even if he did it slowly, his head still protested, and he briefly sees black dots in his vision again—and take the glass. He gets the medicine with his free hand and pops them into his mouth, downing the water after.

 

He wants to delude himself into thinking that the medicine already took effect right away, seconds after drinking it, but he knows that that’s pretty stupid.

 

“…It’s okay.” Hinata says. He doesn’t accompany his words with a nod even if he wants to because his head already hurts plenty enough for him to do that. “Just one jacket is enough for me. Thank you.”

 

Komaeda bites his lower lip and takes off the jacket anyway, lightly tossing it at his bed. “Sorry if I'm being too forceful, but… please just take it. If you don’t use it, then just leave it there. It’s better to be sure just in case you feel colder later…”

 

Hinata doesn’t argue anymore. He knows that Komaeda won’t take no for an answer now that the jacket is already on Hinata’s bed. “Thank you, Komaeda. I really appreciate you taking care of me, but… I kinda want to sleep now. Let’s just talk again tomorrow.”

 

“Oh,” Komaeda immediately nods. “Of course, Hinata-kun. Sorry for keeping you. Don’t worry about turning off the lights—I’ll do it.”

 

Hinata whispers another word of thanks before returning on his lying position. When the lights turn off, he gets Komaeda’s jacket and wraps his arms around it instead of wearing it.

 

Despite that being an impractical choice, Hinata knows that that must be his most comfortable sleep in a while.

 

\--

 

“I'm so sorry for calling you here, it’s just that I didn’t know what to do.” Hinata hears a soothing voice. “I think I told you that I myself get sick pretty often, but it’s just that Hinata-kun is nothing like me. He said that he doesn’t usually get sick, so I'm just… really alarmed right now. I just kind of woke up right now, and his temperature seems to have increased from last night when I checked it… I don’t understand what I'm doing wrong.”

 

“I see.” Hinata hears another person. He doesn’t know why he's not recognizing them at the moment. “I think I already told you that we’re similar. About getting sick pretty fast, I mean. But I usually just wait it out until it’s gone… Sometimes I don’t even drink medicine… but I do understand why you're alarmed. It is indeed worrying…”

 

“I'm really so sorry for bothering you… I should be knowledgeable enough to at least know what to do in a situation as simple as this, yet I just had to be incompetent—”

 

“Now, now, Komaeda-kun… Don’t say that about yourself. It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. I won’t mind helping you out. Though I admit maybe it was a better choice contacting your classmate… the Super High School Level Nurse, right? Not because I think you're bothering me, but because I think she’d be more knowledgeable…”

 

“You're right… Ah, I didn’t think this through... I'm so sorry. It’s just that when I need something, you're the first person to come to mind. Someone like me really shouldn’t be allowed—”

 

“Komaeda-kun, it’s really okay. Please don’t be so hard on yourself, alright? You're doing what you can, and you just wanted to help out Hinata-kun… it’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

 

“Thank you…”

 

Hinata opens his eyes. He had to stare for a while before his surroundings start to make sense. He had to wait for a while before the sounds that he has heard start to make sense. He doesn’t know what has gotten over to him, but for some reason, he didn’t identify right away the voices that he has heard.

 

He's being stupid.

 

Of course it was Komaeda and Naegi.

 

Hinata closes his eyes again. He doesn’t quite understand why, but he doesn’t want them to see him awake.

 

“I don’t want him to attend classes today… I think that may be part of the reason why he's not recovering quite fast.” Komaeda sighs. “I'm really worried… He even has a part-time job that he has started recently.”

 

“He does?” Naegi replies. “Hinata-kun really is admirable.”

 

“I agree with that. But of course, even he got tired…” Hinata can almost hear the frown in Komaeda’s voice. “I don’t think the rest that Hinata-kun gets is adequate… To make up for the time that he lost for studying because of work, he has decided to study whenever he wakes up in the morning before we go to school.”

 

“Oh… That really does sound so tiring… May I ask the reason why Hinata-kun decided to get a part-time job?”

 

“Ah, sorry, I didn’t really ask…”

 

“Oh, it’s okay, don’t worry. Anyway, I think Komaeda-kun should place that wet cloth on Hinata-kun’s forehead now. What I'm worried about though is that there would be no one to keep him company later when the two of us leave for school.”

 

“You're right… I was thinking about that too…” Komaeda pauses for a while before he speaks again. “Do you think it’d be a good idea if I… skip school today?”

 

Hinata suddenly wants to interrupt, but he can’t because he's supposed to be asleep. Of course he wouldn’t want Komaeda to skip school today just because of him. Ahh, damn this fever. It’s just causing trouble for everyone around him.

 

“I don’t think so… I mean, I don’t think Hinata-kun would want you to do that.” Hinata mentally thanks Naegi. “I know that the two of you are closer than Hinata-kun and me, but one thing that I know for sure is that he values academic excellence, and he might feel like he pulled you down if you skip today.”

 

“Right… but we can’t just leave him alone… not to mention that he has fever.”

 

Naegi hums in contemplation. “Let’s see… Does Komaeda-kun think it’d be okay if we leave Hinata-kun in the infirmary?”

 

No, no. Anything but the infirmary. Just the thought of resting there the whole day already worsened his headache. He holds Komaeda’s jacket closer to his chest, but somehow, he feels a little embarrassed having it with Naegi in the same room.

 

“I guess, in this situation, the infirmary is the best choice…” Komaeda’s voice becomes closer. Hinata can feel that he has climbed maybe a couple of steps of the ladder so that he could reach Hinata. Hinata makes sure to stay still and keep his eyes firmly closed.

 

A wet and cold cloth lightly dabs at his forehead. Komaeda pulls the blanket a little lower, just enough to show his neck, and Hinata feels the cold cloth on there too. Even with this fever, he's starting to find it embarrassing that Komaeda is the one taking care of him right now…

 

Hinata wonders if this is a good time to ‘wake up’ or if he should just wait for Komaeda to finish what he's doing… but doing the latter would be a little too opportune, isn’t it? It might get obvious that he was awake all along. Not to mention that both Komaeda and Naegi are pretty perceptive in their own ways…

 

Komaeda pulls the blanket lower again. Hinata tries to suppress the shiver but he fails. Even without opening his eyes, he can tell that Komaeda must have looked apologetic because of that. Komaeda’s already gentle actions become even gentler as he wipes Hinata’s arms too with the cloth.

 

If Hinata decides to not mind how much he's being a bother at the moment, he’d say that it’s pretty good to be taken care of Komaeda like this. Komaeda’s hands are so smooth and soft, the cloth is comfortably cold—if he keeps his thoughts this peaceful, maybe he’d actually fall back to sleep.

 

\--

 

Hinata didn’t even know that he did fall asleep again. He only realized what happened when he wakes up in an unfamiliar room that smells so much like antiseptics. He almost panics—he doesn’t know why the first thought that he had was that he was abducted—and he was thankful that his thoughts immediately fix themselves right away.

 

Right, he overheard earlier.

 

He must be in the infirmary.

 

He feels a little better than he did this morning even if Komaeda’s comforting jacket is nowhere to be found—he noticed that his throat feels pretty dry at the moment though—and he knows that he can stand up without seeing dots again. He makes sure to carefully sit up anyway, and he was glad that his head didn’t protest against his action anymore.

 

He doesn’t like the infirmary. The school doctor strikes him as creepy, and he feels like he’ll just become even sicker if he stays here. He sets his feet on the ground, slowly standing up with the same care that he has earlier, and he pushes to the side the curtain that is covering the bed he used.

 

Like he expected, there was the school doctor looking creepy as usual, and he's talking to Tsumiki. They both turn to Hinata the moment he reveals himself, and Tsumiki immediately breaks into a smile. “H-Hinata-san! Finally, you're awake! E-Everyone was so worried about you…” She pauses. “A-Ah! I'm so sorry for smiling! I'm just… s-so happy… that Hinata-san is up now… I'm sorry! Please f-forgive me!”

 

“It’s alright, Tsumiki.” Hinata forces a smile. His headache is starting to say hello to him again. “I can tell you that you were really worried, so I'm sorry about that… Can I ask what time it is?”

 

“I-It’s half past five PM… half past the dismissal time…”

 

Crap. He can’t believe that he missed school for the day. This is his first absence for years. “Why are you still here then?”

 

“I-I'm sorry…” Tsumiki bites her lower lip, slight tears evident on the sides of her eyes. Hinata can’t believe that the doctor is back to inspecting whatever documents have been placed on his desk instead of saying at least some comforting words to Tsumiki who's beside him. “K-Komaeda-san asked me a favor… I'm really sorry…”

 

“No, it’s okay, Tsumiki, I swear.” Why can’t Hinata just force a smile believable enough? “Sorry, alright? I didn’t mean to sound like I was upset that you stayed. If anything, I appreciate it, really.”

 

Tsumiki starts to calm down a bit.

 

“But you mentioned a favor? What did Komaeda ask you to do?”

 

“W-Well, he said… K-Komaeda-san said that you might go to work when y-you wake up… H-He wanted me to make sure that you'll go s-straight to the d-dorm so that you can r-rest… I-I was worried about H-Hinata-san too, s-so I decided to agree…”

 

“He did that?”

 

Tsumiki nods.

 

“…Where is he then?”

 

“I-I think I saw him leave with N-Naegi-san… I-I'm sorry I can’t be more useful!”

 

Figures. Of course he did. What did Hinata even expect?

 

“No, you did okay.” Hinata nods at her. He’d feel guilty to go straight to work especially since Tsumiki had to stay after school with this creepy doctor just waiting for him, but he really can’t afford to miss at least one shift… “Thank you. I’ll go back now.”

 

“U-Um…” Tsumiki fidgets. “K-Komaeda-san told me to a-accompany you b-back to your dorm room… H-He wanted to be as sure as possible… that you'll go back…”

 

Damn. Hinata won’t be comfortable being deceitful at that level. They both exit the infirmary, and he knows that he should do something quickly because if he doesn’t, he’ll be forced to miss work. Of course, he can easily cooperate and go to their room, stay there for maybe five minutes or so, then leave afterwards. His conscience won’t let him rest, however, if he does dupe Tsumiki of all people that way…

 

“Tsumiki, um…” “How is Hinata-san feeling?”

 

“Ah? Oh… I'm okay.” “I'm sorry for speaking the same time as you!”

 

“No, it’s okay.” “I'm really sorry!”

 

Ahh, he's not going to go anywhere with this. He takes a deep breath. Tsumiki looks like she's already thinking of five thousand ways to apologize. He places a hand on her shoulder, pats her back twice, and he takes a sigh of relief when she calms down.

 

“Look…” Hinata clears his throat. “I just have something to say. Is that okay?”

 

“O-Of course… A-Again, I'm so s-sorry for speaking the same time as you… I-I didn’t know…”

 

“It’s really okay, promise. Don’t be too hard on yourself.” Sometimes, just sometimes, Tsumiki reminds him of Komaeda. They're still pretty different though. “Look, I don’t want to be a liar, so… I want to tell you something.”

 

“…Y-Yes?”

 

“Alright.” Hinata takes another deep breath. “See… I really, really have to go to my job.”

 

“A-Ah.” Tsumiki looks alarmed. “B-But Komaeda-san… he told me that H-Hinata-san would probably try to insist… but no matter what happens, I-I shouldn’t agree…”

 

“Okay, okay, I understand that you guys are worried about me, but please hear me out here.” Hinata sighs. “I'm, uh… saving for something really important, and I only have to work for seven days. Today is supposed to be my fifth day already, so just a bit more, and I’ll regain my normal routine. Please, Tsumiki… You have to let me go…”

 

Tsumiki starts to look conflicted already. “But Hinata-san… W-Whatever important thing that is… I-I'm sure your health is still more i-important…”

 

“Please…? Seven days is only a short time… It would be really unfair to my employer—she's a family friend, so I’ll feel even guiltier if I let her down—if I miss even just a day, right?”

 

“I-I understand, but…” Tsumiki looks like she's really going to cry any moment soon. “C-Can’t H-Hinata-san just… still work for seven days…? L-Like, if you miss t-today… y-you can just not count this day… b-but you'll make sure you complete seven… o-or is that a stupid suggestion…?”

 

That actually stumped Hinata for a moment. “No, it’s a good suggestion, but… okay. Listen to me, alright? The seventh day supposedly, if I don’t miss any shifts, is the day before Hope’s Peak’s Foundation Day… The thing that I mentioned, the one I was saving for, is a gift that I plan to give for the tradition… I can’t push my shifts for another day because then, I won’t have a gift for the gift-giving. All my efforts will be wasted… and of course, I won’t want that.”

 

“Hinata-san…” She bites her lower lip again. “S-Since you said she's a family f-friend… can’t she just g-give you the money you need in a-advance… t-then you'll just continue working even p-past the foundation day? I-I'm just really worried… I-If you continue pushing yourself… y-your recovery process will be r-really slow…”

 

“That suggestion is good too, but see… the agreement was already made. Wouldn’t it be really rude of me if I change it halfway?” Hinata frowns. “Besides… I'm really okay now, I swear. I'm not even feeling dizzy anymore, and that’s really an improvement compared to my condition this morning.”

 

“I-I don’t want to d-disappoint K-Komaeda-san…”

 

“Look, you did your part. You tried to convince me, but I was too stubborn. It’s not your fault, so you can tell Komaeda that.” Hinata assures her. “I’ll even back you up when I get home later… Okay?”

 

“H-Hinata-san…”

 

“I got this, alright? Don’t worry.”

 

Tsumiki sniffs, and she nods. Hinata feels really guilty because she looked so defeated, but he decides to show her a smile. “Thanks. I owe you one, Tsumiki.”

 

\--

 

‘ _Hinata-kun? Where are you? Are you at work?_ ’

 

‘ _I kind of expected this… though I still didn’t think that you'd be able to resist Tsumiki-san. Should I have sent Nanami-san instead?_ ’

 

‘ _Hinata-kun, you shouldn’t overwork yourself. I don’t know how many times I have said that already._ ’

 

‘ _I'm sorry for being annoying, but I'm just really worried about you. I don’t like seeing you sick and suffering like that. I get fever quite usually, so I know how uncomfortable it must feel…_ ’

 

Hinata makes a face and locks his phone, immediately shoving it back to his pocket before he does something as stupid as to reply that Komaeda stopping Hinata himself would have been the most effective choice.

 

\--

 

Hinata starts to regret his life choices.

 

Okay, maybe that was exaggerating, but he starts to regret going to work today. He had to sort newly-arrived books into five categories this time, causing his head to have that incessant buzzing feeling. Maybe he should have listened to Komaeda and Tsumiki, after all…

 

He silently thanks that he's here at the dorms already. He silently thanks that at least it’s just a slight headache and that his temperature isn’t burning anymore. He silently thanks that his back and arms don’t hurt anymore like they did last night.

 

Still, he finds the need to pause in front of the door again.

 

Komaeda is already inside, Hinata knows. After all, if he weren’t, he wouldn’t know that Hinata wasn’t around. He takes a deep sigh. He hopes that his little decision of stubbornness didn’t upset Komaeda too much. Really, he was so defiant earlier, and it’s pretty late that he's just thinking of this right now when it’s already done.

 

Hinata places a hand on the knob, and that’s when he realizes that he's actually more nervous than he thinks. His heart is beating fast, his stomach feels a bit upset, but he decides to just push through it, turning the knob and pushing the door open. _Please don’t be too upset, please don’t be too upset, please don’t be too upset…_

Hinata didn’t know what to feel when he sees Komaeda on the bottom bunk, his back leaning against the wall, asleep. He has a closed book placed on his lap, his hands placed on them almost as if someone fixed him to seem picture perfect. Komaeda was wearing the thick jacket again, it suits Komaeda so much better compared to him, and he feels suddenly guilty because Komaeda obviously tried to stay up for him.

 

He wonders which would be ruder—to wake Komaeda or not?

 

He closes the door behind him before he resumes thinking. The reason for him to wake Komaeda is because he wants to apologize for being stubborn earlier. The reason not to is because… well, Komaeda is already resting, and Hinata can wait for tomorrow.

 

The decision was stolen from him when Komaeda suddenly stirs, the book sliding off his lap, and he blinks, his hazy eyes immediately meeting Hinata’s. Hinata suddenly starts feeling sheepish—not only because of his previous defiant actions, but also because he was creepily staring at Komaeda who was sleeping. He hopes Komaeda doesn’t address that.

 

“…Ah, I fell asleep.” Komaeda blinks, rubbing the sleep off his eyes. “Hinata-kun… you're back.”

 

“Yeah.” Hinata nods. “I'm, uh… sorry for not replying to your texts. And sorry for… well… still going even if you told me not to.”

 

“It’s okay…” Komaeda manages a groggy smile. “I should be the one sorry for being annoying…”

 

“No, you're not annoying or anything, I swear.” Hinata bites his lower lip. “I just really can’t miss work, okay? Sorry for being an asshole.”

 

Komaeda chuckles. He still looks so sleepy, it’s kind of endearing. “I didn’t think you were an asshole, don’t worry. I was just really worried, that’s all.”

 

“Thanks for understanding…”

 

“Anyway… Hinata-kun must be tired right now. It’s okay if you want to sleep right away…” Komaeda pauses. “Unless you have something you want to talk about?”

 

“Ah, no, everything’s fine.” Hinata forces a smile. “Well, good night. Sorry for interrupting your sleep.”

 

\--

 

The sixth day, luckily, he didn’t have a fever anymore, but his head still hurt so much whenever he moved too fast.

 

The last day, he was thoroughly cured.

 

\--

 

“Hajime-kun, thank you so much for helping out.” Today is Hinata’s last day working here. He gave his all since it’s the last day, and he was actually at his peak condition currently. If anything, he thinks he's actually starting to like working…

 

Or maybe that’s just because he's happy that he's cured now.

 

Besides, he can already feel it—the smooth material of the box that will house the necklace that he’ll buy—he’ll just have to finish his shift, and buy tomorrow after school the necklace because he isn’t sure if the shop is still opened by the time his shift ends.

 

“Thank you!” He says as he places the two books in a paper bag and hands it to a woman. “Please come again!”

 

As if to go well with his already good mood, the night isn’t too busy. He only had to sit behind the counter—he allowed himself to sit now because he isn’t drowsy anymore to accidentally sleep anyway—and he briefly thinks that maybe it is true that positive thinking attracts positive energy, after all…

 

“Hajime-kun,” Their family friend calls out. She was warmly smiling, so Hinata returns the smile. “It’s refreshing to see you energetic! These days you seem pretty down, and I was worried since that wasn’t how I remembered you at all as a little kid…”

 

“Haha, right… Well, to be honest, I actually had, uh… a fever. Recently.”

 

“A fever?” She covers her mouth. “You should have told me!”

 

“Oh, don’t worry. I'm actually okay now.”

 

“Still, I feel bad now for making you work…” She sighs. “I'm so sorry I didn’t notice at all… I thought you might have just been in a foul mood or something…”

 

“It’s alright, ma’am. I really wanted to work.”

 

“Oh, right.” She nods. “Your mom did mention to me that you wanted to buy something and that’s why you worked… She also said that you planned to buy a gift, but I don’t know anything else aside from that. May I ask what gift you were planning to get in particular?”

 

“Ah, oh,” Hinata’s feeling embarrassed all of a sudden. “Um… It’s a necklace.”

 

“A necklace?” The lady curiously repeats. “So Hajime-kun has a girlfriend?”

 

“Oh, no, it’s nothing like that.” Hinata forces a laugh. “It’s for my best friend…”

 

“Oh? But she's a girl, right?”

 

“Um, no…” This is starting to get awkward. “He's a guy.”

 

“Oh…” She furrows her eyebrows. “He's into necklaces?”

 

“Uh, there's nothing wrong with giving a guy a necklace, right” Hinata forces a smile to maintain his politeness. “Anyway, he doesn’t know what I was going to give him, so… it’s my choice. And I think he’d like it.”

 

“Oh, alright.” She nods. “Well, good luck to you, Hajime-kun. If he's your best friend, I'm sure he’d like something that you worked for.”

 

\--

 

The next day, Hinata just proceeded with the usual exchange that he has with Komaeda every morning. He makes sure not to mention anything about the gift because he wants to be as surprising as possible. Hinata doesn’t know why he's feeling so excited—in fact, overly excited, almost—and throughout the whole day, he's only thinking about nothing but going to the city and finally buying that perfect necklace.

 

A perfect necklace for a perfect person—perfect.

 

It’s almost funny because he's being too giddy for someone who will give the gift. Isn’t it more usual for people to feel excited about receiving one? Maybe his mother was right, after all. Having to work for it, having to exert effort for it—that just makes the necklace even more special.

 

He’ll just think of Komaeda’s smile when he sees the necklace, and Hinata’s pretty sure that all the exhaustion that he felt will instantly be forgotten, never to be remembered again. He’ll just imagine how Komaeda will tell him those sincere words of thanks, holding the necklace close to his heart and saying that he’ll treasure it, and Hinata just knows that he’ll never even remember getting a fever because of having to work too hard.

 

He hopes that making Komaeda so happy is enough to make himself feel redeemed.

 

…If he were to be honest though, he knows that he’ll never feel that way again, but he does hope that this is a good start.

 

\--

 

The chimes make a sound again like they did during Hinata’s first visit. It’s pretty relaxing to go to the city today and not having to work. He's actually just there to buy something and that’s pretty relaxing to think about. No more lifting heavy boxes of books, no more sorting of books into categories…

 

Just like the last time, there's a couple shopping inside again. Just like last time too, a feeling of embarrassment makes itself known, and he starts to get second thoughts about his choice of gift. Was it really okay for him to buy something like that for Komaeda? Even if it wasn’t a heart, it still seems like something a lover should rightfully give. What if, even by going out of his way to make sure that he won’t choose an overly romantic design, he was actually doomed to make Komaeda feel uncomfortable just by choosing this store?

 

There are a lot of other possible gifts too now that he thinks about it. He doesn’t know why these ideas suddenly come pouring in his head one by one like drops of smooth-flowing water. He could have given Komaeda jars of brand new Go pieces or maybe that hundred year potpourri that he remembers seeing somewhere in this city…

 

Actually, now that he thinks about it, Komaeda will probably appreciate those instead of—

 

“Sir?” The lady by the counter greets. She smiles, nodding. She seems to have recognized him. “You came back! Are you going to buy that four leaf clover necklace now?”

 

“Um…” Hinata’s here now. He knows that whatever lies he feed his own brain, he’ll still want to give Komaeda that necklace. He worked so hard, having that piece of jewelry in his head, and even if the potpourri is a good idea too, he knows that he’ll be filled with unbelievably immense regret if he decides to go with that choice. And so he nods. This is it. “…Yeah. May I look at the actual thing?”

 

“Of course. Please wait for a moment.”

 

The excitement becomes even more difficult to handle. He's sure that the necklace will look even prettier in real life. He has been looking at nothing but photos so far and he has already liked it. What more if he sees the actual thing?

 

He didn’t have to wait for too long, or maybe his thoughts were just good distractions, because the lady returns quickly with a white box. She places it on the counter just in front of Hinata and smiles. “You can inspect it all you want.”

 

“Oh? Thanks.” Hinata returns the friendly smile and takes the small box into his hand. He carefully removes the white cover, as if damaging the box will damage the precious necklace already, and he finds himself gaping then and there.

 

It’s true.

 

The necklace really was more beautiful than it was in the sample pictures. Hinata still isn’t sure if these gems are diamonds or rhinestones, but right now, they really do look like actual diamonds. That’s kind of funny—because he thinks that they're good enough to be diamonds, he’ll start treating them as real diamonds, and—

 

_If you choose to be with me, if you choose me… I’ll be the real one for you. And isn’t that good enough?_

He remembers that dream.

 

He adamantly refuses to let his good mood be ruined so he keeps the smile plastered on his face, though he himself is noticing that it’s starting to feel faker with each second. He doesn’t want to admit that he was caught off guard by his thoughts—he never thought about that recent dream again after it happened, being too distracted by his hellish fever, yet here was the memory.

 

_Who's to say that you can’t make your own reality?_

Fucking shut up.

 

“…Excuse me?” The lady’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts. She looks pretty surprised, and it takes a while before Hinata understands what happened. His face immediately feels hot the moment he realizes that he said _that_ out loud, and he apologizes as fast as he can.

 

“I-I wasn’t talking to you… sorry, I… guess I spaced out.” Hinata clears his throat. His save isn’t smooth at all. “So, uh… I’d like to pay now… I’ll take the necklace.”

 

The lady blinks at him again, still looking a little doubtful, before she nods, taking the box again. “Would you prefer a white or black box, sir?”

 

Hinata thinks of Komaeda’s hair. “The white one, please.”

 

When he receives the box, Hinata’s almost overwhelmed because everything about his gift is perfect. The white box reminds him of Komaeda’s hair color, the silver necklace reminds him of Komaeda’s color scheme, the diamonds symbolize hope, and the four leaf clover symbolizes luck.

 

His gift is perfect.

 

The only step left is to give it.

 

\--

 

Hinata’s excitement starts to get accompanied by nervousness the moment he reaches the dorm. His heart is pounding madly against his chest, and if he allows himself to be foolish enough, he’d say that it’s threatening to break through his flesh.

 

He has ran his hand a lot of times on the pocket of his bag already to make sure that the white box is still there. He’ll never ever forgive himself, after all, if he ends up losing it somewhere… Thinking about this, he feels the need to run his hand on the pocket again, and his blood immediately runs cold when he can’t feel it.

 

He stops in the middle of walking, zipping open the pocket as fast as he can, and he blinks repeatedly, only to see that the box is still inside. He's being really too stupid about this whole deal. It’s still there, it’s still there, of course it is. He repeatedly chants in his head.

 

He makes sure that it is indeed inside before zipping the pocket closed again. His gift is too perfect, and he shouldn’t let his idiocy ruin anything for him tonight. He has to be as perfect as the gift because it just won’t be right if he isn’t.

 

His feet automatically stopped when he reached their door. He takes a lot of deep breaths. He has to compose himself. If he plunges in with his reason clouded with nervousness, he’ll end up making a big fool out of himself. He might say things that he’ll regret, so he has to be as calm as possible.

 

When the shaking of his hands ceased (or at least minimized—they really won’t stop shaking at the moment), he turns the knob, and with that action comes a cold sensation flowing down his spine. Unbelievable. He's literally just going to give a gift, he doesn’t know why he's making such a big deal—

 

Oh.

 

Hinata blinks. Everything that he was feeling immediately halted.

 

Komaeda isn’t inside the room.

 

He blinks again. Maybe he's imagining things. Maybe he's too nervous that his mind is making him think that the situation isn’t here for him to seize yet. He continues blinking, but nothing changes. The room was still empty, the room was still ridiculously silent, and so he sighs, closing the door behind him.

 

At least, he has more time to compose himself now.

 

Though he isn’t entirely sure because the thought of having to wait, not knowing when exactly Komaeda will come home, is making him feel even more anxious. He doesn’t like this. The feeling of not knowing when his anticipation will grace him with its presence.

 

He runs his hand on the pocket one last time. The feeling of the box encourages him at least, and so he sits by the study table for now, back to his usual routine before that part-time job business as he waits for Komaeda to go home.

 

\--

 

 It’s been a while since Hinata has studied properly, he thinks. As weird as it may sound, it’s actually pretty relaxing studying again like he always does. It’s a routine that he's familiar with, and despite hating the fact that he's average, despite wanting to live an extraordinary life, he’d be lying if he says that familiarity doesn’t have a certain comforting allure to it.

 

He's currently reading about complex numbers. Complex numbers are numbers with both real and imaginary parts. Each of them has a corresponding complex number that will be called their conjugate, and if multiplied to each other—

 

Hinata finishes his computation and boxes his final answer.

—If multiplied to each other, the imaginary part will be gone, leaving nothing but the real part behind.

 

It’s almost as if to say that… if you do it right, something imaginary can infallibly become real. He scratches his head and sighs. He can’t believe that he's about to let his mood be ruined by this... He stands up, stretches, and walks around the room.

 

He wonders what time will Komaeda go home…

 

It was almost unbelievable how the door opened exactly after that thought crossed his mind. He feels his eyes widen when Komaeda finally arrives. He gets stuck in his position—luckily, he was just standing and not doing anything weird… but then again, standing alone for no reason is pretty weird too, isn’t it?

 

Komaeda doesn’t seem to notice the sheer unnaturalness of the situation as he immediately runs towards his Hinata after closing the door, wrapping the latter in a tight embrace. Hinata immediately feels warm all over that he almost thinks his fever might have returned, and it takes a while before he returns the hug.

 

What is this?

 

Did he fall asleep while studying?

 

Komaeda immediately pulls away, a happy expression on his face. It’s been a while since he has seen Komaeda this happy. Even during the time they were under that tree, playing that game of shiritori, his happiness wasn’t this over the top.

 

There was something about his smile that was contagious. Hinata wouldn’t even realize that he himself has broken into a smile if Komaeda didn’t giggle at him. This is pretty weird—Komaeda suddenly hugging him as soon as he got home, but he's not complaining seeing as Komaeda seems so… full of joy?

 

Komaeda looks a little different.

 

Not the bad kind of different, of course. If anything, it’s a really pleasant kind. He seems… a little more attractive than he usually is. Hinata didn’t even know that that’s still possible. Was it his genuinely happy smile? Komaeda usually smiles, but his expression is more usually friendly instead of happy. At first glance, they might seem similar, but instances like this remind him of the difference.

 

“Hey…” Hinata greets. He feels like his breath has been taken away. “What's up? You seem really happy. What happened?”

 

“Look!” He feels Komaeda’s hand on his. His heart skips a beat, and his nervousness accelerates when Komaeda places it near his neck. Everything he's feeling stops that moment, like a car that was going at the fastest speed forced to halt in fear of hitting someone.  His hand meets something firm, and he looks down from Komaeda’s happy face to what's in his hand at the moment.

 

No.

 

He suddenly felt numb.

 

No, no, this must be another nightmare.

 

Come to think of it, the ‘Komaeda’ from last time insulted him, and the dream generally hurt that it wasn’t even fitting to call it a dream anymore. Maybe this one is like that too. Maybe this nightmare exists just to make fun of him again, to spite him again, and tell him that his hard work is all for nothing.

 

“Does it suit me?” Komaeda eagerly asks, that genuine smile still not leaving his face. “I-I mean… sorry, that was an impertinent question, wasn’t it? It’s just that… I'm really happy. It’s Naegi-kun’s gift for me for today’s tradition… I gave him a box full of strips of papers containing my messages for him because w-well… I think it’s better to keep things customized, don’t you agree?”

 

Hinata’s attention was still trained on the… thing around Komaeda’s neck. It was a necklace. And the funniest thing here is it’s a familiar one.

 

It’s that necklace from the jewelry shop. The one with a pair. The one that also shows a four leaf clover. The one that also has a diamond.

 

Hinata doesn’t understand what's happening. None of this is fully registering in his head. He doesn’t even know where to start.

 

Komaeda is wearing a necklace.

 

What's wrong with Komaeda wearing a necklace?

 

Why is Komaeda wearing a necklace?

 

Ahh, Hinata’s hands are shaking again, it’s so embarrassing. He quickly retracts them as fast as he can. It’ll be bad if Komaeda notices.

 

He's not feeling anything if he were to be honest, but his body seems to be reacting. His hands are shaking, he can hear a light ringing in his ears, and he doesn’t understand, _cannot understand_ , why they'd be reacting that way because this isn’t even real. This isn’t real, this is just another nightmare made to hurt him, and he knows that if he waits long enough, he’ll wake up pretty soon.

 

“Hinata-kun?” Komaeda must be confused. Hinata is, too. “Are you okay…?”

 

Hinata should respond soon. Even if this is a dream, he should respond—

 

A dream?

 

Is this a dream?

 

A nightmare.

 

It’s a nightmare, not a dream.

 

Haha, Hinata should really learn how to get things right. He keeps on doing so many wrong things, he keeps on fucking up every single day, he can’t do properly even the simplest of things. Is this because he doesn’t have a talent? Is this because he's a Reserve Course Student?

 

Must be.

 

If only he had a talent, even just the simplest one, this wouldn’t have to happen to him, would it? He wouldn’t even be in this situation if he had a talent. He’d never know for sure, but if he had one, maybe he’d be more confident than he is. He’d be more comfortable with himself, and maybe, just maybe… Maybe he’ll be the one with Komaeda right now?

 

Maybe.

 

Maybe?

 

He's confused.

 

Wait, why does Komaeda have that necklace again? It’s from Naegi? Oh, right. It’s from Naegi. Of course it’s from Naegi. Ah, that’s right, Naegi. Naegi told him that the jewelry shop was a good place to shop. That’s because Naegi was happy finding a gift too there.

 

Hinata’s really stupid. Naegi wasn’t suggesting. He was simply sharing his experience. Hinata was stupid for not asking, stupid for heading straight to the shop without thinking of anything too hardly, stupid for not having a backup plan in case something goes awry.

 

Right, everything was too perfect earlier.

 

Too perfect.

 

It’s not realistic.

 

Nothing ever goes perfect for him, after all. Not for him. Never. He should have known that something like this would happen. Right, right, this is his fault. He practically asked for this because he's such an idiot who doesn’t know how to plan things.

 

Wait, why is he so mad at himself? This isn’t even real.

 

“Hinata-kun…” There was Komaeda’s voice again. His wide smile was completely gone from his face. It’s as if he never smiled at all. In its place stood a worried expression, and despite this being a dream, Hinata still felt guilty. “…Why are you crying?”

 

Crying?

 

Huh?

 

Who's crying?

 

Hinata?

 

Hinata’s crying?

 

Why is Hinata crying?

 

He's so confused.

 

He feels Komaeda slowly pulling him into an embrace, and Hinata doesn’t even resist. He rests his head on Komaeda’s shoulder because he still doesn’t understand anything. He's crying? He's really crying for real? When was the last time he cried?

 

“Hinata-kun…” He feels Komaeda’s hand running on his back. “…What happened?”

 

“…I-I'm sorry, Komaeda. Sorry.” It’s as if all of Hinata’s senses stopped earlier and decided to return all at the same time right now. He can clearly feel the tears flowing from his eyes as he grabs Komaeda’s coat. Ahh, he can’t believe this. He can’t even remember the last time that he cried, and he's crying. Right now? “I'm so sorry…”

 

“Why…?”

 

“…I didn’t… get you anything this year. I'm sorry.”

 

“Oh.” He feels Komaeda nodding, and the soft hands on his back continue its ministrations. “That’s okay, Hinata-kun. I don’t really mind… I know that you're really busy recently and you must have had so much to think of…”

 

“No, I…” Hinata grits his teeth. “…I promised last year, didn’t I? I promised I’d give you one every year. Yet here I am… I broke our promise.”

 

“Ah… I swear it’s really okay, Hinata-kun. You don’t have to think of that…” Komaeda’s voice sounds so soothing, but Hinata can’t seem to calm himself down anyway. “This hug is a gift enough for me, okay? You don’t always have to give me material things… it’s alright.”

 

“…No, you deserve something better. Something perfect for you.” Hinata closes his eyes. He should stop crying. He shouldn’t even be crying. “…That necklace is perfect for you.”

 

“Oh… this one?”

 

Hinata doesn’t answer that question.

 

He realizes that he wasn’t dreaming.

 

\--

 

Hinata can’t really believe that he has no money now. The next day, he was contemplating all the while what gift he should buy for Komaeda instead. Because the moment he got his proper thinking back, he realizes that maybe he should get at least a simple one. Even if it’s simple and late, it’s better than nothing at least, right?

 

He also realized that it was stupid that he cried. He shouldn’t have cried. He regrets crying.

 

He threw the white box and the necklace away too because he won’t really have anything to do with it anymore.

 

…Or at least he tried to.

 

He really tried to, but he couldn’t. Just the mere thought made his knees shake, and he doesn’t understand why he’d react that way. The box still was sitting comfortably inside his bag’s pocket, untouchable, because frankly, Hinata doesn’t even want to look at it anymore.

 

 He decides he’ll just hold on to it for a little longer until he finds the courage to throw it away.

 

Giving it to Komaeda isn’t an option anymore now, after all. He wouldn’t want to compete with Naegi because he knows that there's no contest.

 

He was pretty spacey the whole day, almost as if just drifting through the air, and for the first time that afternoon, something catches his attention when he arrives at their dorm room. His eyes widen, and he blinks repeatedly because he might be imagining things, and when the thing that he saw didn’t disappear, he grabs it, looking it over.

 

It was an envelope pinned on the wooden door. His name was written on it in clean cursive, and the crest of Hope’s Peak Academy was embossed in it. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

 

Receiving a letter from the Hope’s Peak’s Staff—is it a good or a bad thing?

 

He hurriedly enters the dorm room and wastes no time, practically tearing the envelope apart.

 

He feels like his heart stopped.

 

"Dear Hinata Hajime-kun: We, at Hope's Peak Academy, have heard of your unyielding dedication to be reconsidered from the Reserve Course Department to the main course. You have worked hard and have proven yourself worthy of being accepted as a talent. We wish to discuss with you the proper protocol that you must take as soon as possible.

 

PS: We apologize for the rather risky manner we have left this letter on your door."

**Author's Note:**

> The update became longer than I expected, so I divided it in two parts! The second part will be up soon! :)


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